Tanner Reviews The Hangover III


And thank God it ended!

And thank God it ended!

So this weekend has not been the best one in my life. The first being that due to all kinds of problems I could not complete the video review of this and have decided to write about this and save the videos for another week… The second is that I actually had to sit through this piece of shit which was one of the longest 90 minutes of my life just falling behind my the Ungodly abomination that was my High School Graduation ceremony. This film… This film hurt. It hurt to watch, it hurt to listen to, it hurt to not walk out of the theater in complete and utter disgust! The only reason I stayed seated was because A) I have to write a review about this and B) I know the internet wants to see me in pain. This film was painful and just goes to show what a cum sucking whore the movie sequel industry is taking a great movie in The Hangover and evolving until the only two real things that are left from the original is the crazed Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) and man-child weirdo Allen (Zach Galifiankas)

To call these three films a saga even in the contexts of making fun of the term by calling it the ‘Wolfpack Saga’ is an insult to cinema in my opinion. Say what you will about Twilight but it at least has more ground to stand on in being called a ‘saga’ then this group of films. These three films are one really great film, a soon to be comedy classic in my opinion. Then a stupid version of the orginial film set in Thailand for some bewildering reason, and then this film which will soon find its way to the $5 bin section of Wal-Mart or being paired off in a match set deal with the second one because it won’t have enough to make even the slightest bit of money on its own. In all honesty I would have loved it if they would have just kept the film the same as the other two. Group gets drugged and a wild night happens. It would have been the same fucking movie but it is better than this ‘darker’ film as it is labeled that makes the name of the film completely fucking worthless.

But now I am ranting. Let’s get into why this film is the festering turd that it is.

IT! ISN’T! FUNNY!

I’ll be honest there are only… one or two jokes that I actually found funny in this damn movie. The rest of them were absolutely worthless and some of them were just weird or offensive. The scene where Stu Price (Ed Helm) is trying to pick up drugs at a store being a dentist got a chuckle out of me, mainly because Helm and the kid at the register were actually trying and there were a few jokes and one liners that got a little chuckle out of me. But basically anything that Galifiankas or Jeong did was either stupid or just weird. They weren’t even bad you are just sitting there saying, ‘So Lesley Chow sucks at karaoke… Why is that funny? Where is the joke? The joke is he is bad at it… Why? It is just pointless and annoying.’ Or when Allen is singing ‘Ave Maria’ at his Dad’s funeral… Why is that funny? Why is that even worth inserting? Because he can sing like he sounds like a fucking choir?! No! The only funny line out of that was when Stu made the comment ‘He is a good singer’ that got a chuckle out of me but then they just drag it on. Oh and why is Allen’s father dead? Because he was yelling at him for being a deadbeat and he put on a set of headphones to listen to a song while his dad is having a heart attack behind him and the next scene is his funeral… WHY IS THAT FUNNY?!?! It isn’t funny! It is sad, it is tragic! I liked the father in the first one. He was only in a few scenes but he delivered some really good lines! And you kill him in a poor tasteless way?! Just to have Allen sing ‘Ave Maria’?! NO!

But the crowning achievement of stupid in this film comes at the very beginning when Allen is driving down the road with a giraffe in the back. Then the giraffe gets decapitated by a low bridge and the head of the giraffe goes flying through the windshield of a family with two kids in the back seat… I’m not making that up. They kill a fucking giraffe and have its head traumatized a couple of kids who were commenting on how cool it was to see a giraffe… I wish that words could describe how fucking stupid that is. That isn’t funny that is cruel! That isn’t cute or charming! It is sick! It is downright offensive! And what better… NOBODY FUCKING LAUGHED! I was in a theater with about twenty other people and yes there were some people laughing at these jokes. Hell one woman was laughing her ass off at most of the jokes. But NOBODY LAUGHED AT THIS! People were shocked and let out gasps. Nobody even had an uncomfortable chuckle. Nobody laughed when the dad was dying. There was maybe a chuckle at the funeral. For most of this film not a soul was laughing. It wasn’t funny it was awkward and weird!

Too Much Ken Jeong

It is really depressing that Ken Jeong is reduced to the role of Leslie Chow for the rest of his life. The guy is a decent actor and a decent comedian… Except when he was being Leslie Chow. He was funny in the first one no doubt. But for the last two films I’m sitting there saying ‘There really is no point for him to be here.’ And in this film I added ‘And why the fuck is he the focus of this piece of shit?!’ This thing pretty much centers around Chow being an insane weird dude and it isn’t funny. They could have left him to the first movie. That would have been good. That would have made sense. You could bring in new villains and new people for these other three characters to interact with! Why bring back Leslie Chow? So he can make a bad karaoke joke? So he can buy a lot of hookers and cocaine? It is just dumb and not worth the time. Characters like that can sometimes bring in a laugh or two in the first film. But after that and after the sequel whore turns it into an annoying character with WAY TOO MUCH SCREEN TIME! Then it just gets annoying and everyone gets sick of what was once a great idea!

Rule 1 whenever you make a shit movie. Do NOT remind people of a far better movie!

Rule 1 whenever you make a shit movie. Do NOT remind people of a far better movie!

It Tries to Establish a Bigger Plan That Wasn’t There

This whole story revolves around John Goodman’s character Marshall jumping the four characters and kidnapping Doug (Because you have to keep some old and useless schtick) due to the fact that Leslie Chow stole money from him. They try to play scenes from the first movie where Black Doug (Mike Epps) says ‘Marshall’s Gonna Be Pissed’ and the scene where Allen buys drugs from Black Doug. But really it just feels like one big contrived attempt at saying “See this is what it has been leading to all along.’ When really it meant. ‘We picked some vague scenes and attempted to create a plot around it… Buy our shit!’

Conclusion

I have always said that there is a big difference between a ‘bad film’ and a ‘hated film’. A hated film that is something that hits you on a personal level that just makes you despise it to no end. This is one of those films for me. It took a great movie like The Hangover a very smart and intelligent comedy and one that I hadn’t seen in years…. And they turned it into a sad, depressing, and unfunny film that just ruins the reputation of what was once a great film. Without the sequels that film would have probably been a classic. But now thanks to Part III I’m not so sure. I do not recommend you waste your money to see this. I’ll be honest I think you will get more laughs out of A Serbian Film then you will this piece of shit.

Final Score: 0/5

This week has been rough. I’ll be back on Tuesday with another review.

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3 thoughts on “Tanner Reviews The Hangover III

  1. Ouch. I loved the first, tolerated the second, although only barely… now this… this… What a waste. Thanks for the warning in any event. I will seek my entertainment elsewhere.

  2. Pingback: Tanner Reviews The Hangover III (5/26/2013) – The Vortex Effect

  3. Pingback: The Worst Films of 2013 (1/11/2014) | Tanner Reviews

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