The Worst Films of 2013

So now that we have completed the Best and Worst of Video Games from 2013, it is time to delve into my comfort zone of film to finish off 2013. So after seeing American Hustle over the weekend, I am quite confident that it will not finds its way onto this particular list… But I am also a little busy today so writing a full review will be a little cumbersome. So with this in mind, I am going to finish my worst list for today, then review American Hustle tomorrow, and on Tuesday I will finish with the Best Films of 2013 and after  that I will be back on my regular schedule.

Just to keep in mind these are films that I have personally seen and reviewed. I do not have the money to see every movie that came out in 2013 so if there is one I missed, I apologize. But if I did not see it then I cannot review it. But other than that, on to the list.

220px-Olympus_Has_Fallen_posterDishonorable Mention Olympus Has Fallen

What is by all accounts a feeble attempt at recreating the movie Die Hard but changing the setting to the White House, Olympus Has Fallen is a forgettable action flick. It is a bland concept that simply uses an attack on the White House as shock value to anyone who is even remotely patriotic.

Not to mention Gerard Butler can never measure up to the likes of Bruce Willis. The reason it did not make the Top 5 is that it is an easy sit through and Aaron Eckhart and of course Morgan Freeman always bring stellar performances no matter what they do.

220px-After_Earth_Poster5. After Earth

This is one of the movies on this list that I will actually recommend you to see as soon as possible… For ALL the wrong reasons. This is one of these Hollywood train wrecks that derailed and crashed into a school full of orphaned bunnies. It is so horrible that you just cannot help but stare at it in awe.

Will Smith and Jaden Smith are truly at their worst as they fumble around on an over bloated set for several hours with little rhyme or reason. Just as Battlefield Earth left a nasty black spot on John Travolta’s career, this movie might go down as rock bottom of Will Smith’s career and could almost put the final nail in the coffin for both Jaden Smith and M. Night Shyamalan.

TheLoneRanger2013Poster4. The Lone Ranger

This film was doomed from the start. There isn’t a person in the world who was asking for a $200,000,000 western starring Johnny Depp. (If you think Armie Hammer is the ‘star’ of this movie, you are delusional). Not to mention if you take the fact that you take away everything that makes The Lone Ranger story great and have Johnny Depp who clearly is not giving a shit in his performance rehashing his Captain Jack Sparrow schtick… You are pretty much guaranteed a dud from the start.

This film is the representation of everything that is wrong with Hollywood today. A bloated budget, no risk, and attempting to rehash a concept that should not have been attempted in the first place. It is my hope that The Lone Ranger will stand as an example to Hollywood on how NOT to create a summer blockbuster.

220px-The_Host_Poster3. The Host

Oh this one… This one just isn’t good at all. Like I said in my review, I do not like the Twilight movies (never read the books) but I can understand where the appeal comes from. They are REALLY bad movies but if you like them, I don’t fault you for it… This movie… I do not know how anyone can like this movie.

The Host is like if you took Twilight and removed all unique characteristics from the characters (shocker I know) and then just add a pinch of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The Host is another movie I recommend to watch just to see how bad it is… Though unlike After Earth I recommend that you get in the right mindset before you give The Host a watch. Because it will take you on a roller coaster of slap your head insanity that only Meyer could truly achieve.

hangover-III2. The Hangover Part III

I hate this movie… I hated paying money to see it, I hated sitting in the movie theater watching it, I almost walked out on three separate occasions, I hated EVERYTHING about it! It was stupid it, was not funny, and soiled what was by all accounts one of the best comedies I have seen in recent years, The Hangover. 

Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper clearly do not give a rats ass about this movie and Zach Galifianakis and Dr. Ken Jeong  should have followed suit. It was a cash in movie written by the two guys who brought us such gems as Scary Movie 3, Scary Movie 4, and Identity Thief

215px-Movie_43_poster1. Movie 43

You have to be special if you can beat The Hangover Part III in my book for Worst Movie of 2013… And Movie 43 sure as hell is something special as it takes its special place in film history as one of the worst movies of all time. I have since watched this movie a second time over just to attempt to understand what I am looking at… And I still do not know what it is that I watched.

It is absolutely terrible. The comedy is bad low brow raunchy humor and the actors in the film were practically extorted to be apart of it. But I still cannot help but feel like there is some over arching story that I am just missing. Whether it is there or not, I can say with the up most certainty that Movie 43 is the absolute Worst Movie of 2013.

Thank you for reading and as always if you enjoyed this review then please like and subscribe for more. So as we are going into January I have some big things coming up including a trip to Ohyaocon at the end of the month and more episodes of The Nerdiest Talks Show on Earth.

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