Top 4 Reasons Why We Need to Shut Up About Twilight


Guess what everyone? Twilight sucks. I have broken absolutely no new ground by saying that. In fact, by the time this is posted in 2014, the stick I used to womp the what used to be rotting carcass of a dead horse has been worn so thin that I can use it as a tooth pick. The once carcass of said dead horse has also been reduced to little more than a gelatinous pile of festering organs and bruised skin. It is to the point now that it is just an accepted fact of life to the point that anyone with a differing opinion on the matter is chastised into oblivion. Believe me, I am not the person who is going to pick up that torch, jump on my high horse, and defend the series. No, I have made it clear in my review of The Host that I believe the series is very bad and I just like all of you reading this article can list with me all the reasons why Twilight is a bad series. But! For the love of all that is good and decent in this world if I see one more stupid picture that says ‘Still a Better love story than Twilight’, I am going to lose my calm.

If nobody else will say it, than please let me be the one to say it. We get it, we understand. Twilight sucks, a llama making love to a grapefruit is a better love story, you won internet. You can go home now. But what kind of person would I be to just leave it there? Allow me to count the ways on why we need to let this series die.

Before we get started, please keep in mind this is my personal opinion. If you have a differing opinion, please leave them in the comments. Also, keep in mind I AM NOT DEFENDING THE SERIES! If I were to score the movies on my regular scale then they would fall into the 0.5 – 2 area, dependent upon each movie. I do not think the series is a good series, I personally do not enjoy the story. It is not my cup of tea. With that in mind, let’s get to the list.

4. The Joke is Played Out

The fact that it is 2014 and I still see ‘Better love story than Twilight’ and ‘still more emotion than Kristen Stewart’ circling around internet message boards simply astonishes me. In my time on the internet, I have seen memes come, go, and then come again for the sake of nostalgia. But man this one had an expiration date on it that is long since passed. The series is by all accounts finished and from the looks of it Stephenie Meyers has not desire to go any further with the series, so why keep talking about it? Because it is funny? Not really. There are only so many times that you can compare Stewart’s face to an overly enthusiastic toaster before you are just huffing and moving on to the next post, image, and so forth. There is only so many times that you can look at a man wrestling with a pig to see a ‘better love story’ tag line without sighing and moving on. I am fine with keyboard crusaders, astonishing weight loss, and anything involving cats stories sticking around, but come on… This is something that just needs to die.

3. Twilight Does Not ‘Compete’ With Other Fandoms and The Only People Who are Worried that they do ARE NOT Twilight Fans

For anyone who thinks that there is a ‘Twilight’ Fandom that thinks that they fit into the same ‘fandom categories’ as Doctor Who Fandoms, Game of Thrones Fandoms, and most of all Harry Potter Fandoms… You are absolutely delusional. The only people who I have ever seen attempt to say that the ‘Twilight Fandom’ is up there with the others has been (once again) the age demographic of teenagers 9-17.

So to everyone else who jumps all over Facebook and other sites saying how Twilight isn’t in the same league as the others… You are right, you are absolutely right. It is nowhere near the same league as the other fandoms and there isn’t anyone who is going to argue with you. Because the people who do fit into that category are either too young to be anywhere near your social circle, except for the one relative or one friend or too old to go screaming at the internet in a rage because they are middle-aged and didn’t get to catch the whole ‘internet thing’ until their kid taught them how to use email.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN-PART 22. The Actors… Aren’t as Bad as We Make Them Out to Be

I’m just going to say it. Most of the actors in the Twilight series… Actually are not that bad of actors. For the love of God, just because you are in a bad movie does not make you a bad actor. Even with the movies sucking the way they did, I always enjoy Michael Sheen being an utter goofball and Billy Burke as the father does one hell of a phenomenal job. But these are generally seen as some of the more redeemable people of the series. Let’s have a look at our two leading stars.

First off, Robert Pattinson. It seems that so many people are quick to dismiss him now, even though he has openly said that he detests the Twilight series and it may well be the role of his career that he will never escape from. Need we forget that the man did play Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. A role he did a damn good job in, so well in fact that I remember when Twilight was first coming out and people were excited (once again in high school) that Cedric Diggory was going to be Edward Cullen. Even the guys I knew at the time were convinced that Twilight might not suck if Pattinson is the leading man. Not to mention he has done other work to since Twilight which includes Water for Elephants which Pattinson gives an admirable performance in. The guy can act.

But let’s put Pattinson aside for a second and let’s talk about Kristen Stewart. The woman who gets so much shit for her role of being a lifeless, emotionless, sociopath. Pretty convenient since the way I see the Bella Swan character is… a lifeless, emotionless, sociopath. Honestly, from everything that I have seen I have to give Stewart props. She portrayed the Bella Swan character exactly as I would imagine her to be. A self-absorbed, delusional, narcissist. I have seen Kristen Stewart in other roles, most of which she has put forth a strong performance. While Adventureland seems to support the claim that the woman is as wooden and emotionless as a tree, for anyone who sees movies like The Yellow Handkerchief and more importantly the film Speak, will see clear evidence that his woman really does know what she is doing and has other emotions beside ‘desensitized stare’.

While I will agree that there are some piss poor actors in this series. Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, and Nikki Reed are bad in differing degrees, with Rathbone  being god awful, Greene being almost passable and Reed and Lutz fitting in somewhere in between. But the one who takes the bad cake is Taylor Lautner who has not shown any acting talent past taking off his shirt.  But as far as Pattinson, Stewart, and a decent number of the other supporting cast are fairly competent actors and actresses.

the_twilight_saga_s_eclipse191. At the End of the Day, Who Gives a Shit What People Like?

Seriously, what is so wrong with liking Twilight? What is wrong with letting people who enjoy it, enjoy it in peace? Yes, it is a bad series of books, yes it is a bad series of movies. But do you know what else is a bad series of movies? The Transformers series. Yes, it is the same mind numbing harlequin romance story that you can find in just about every single book in the ‘young teen’ section of Barnes and Noble. But do you know what else is the same thing over and over again just with a different title and a few different characters? All the superhero movies that you see today. Why is it that it is so popular to detest one series, but then like something that is bad for nearly the same reasons?

At the end of the day, we can hate Twilight for being the story of a sociopath teenager who is so obsessed with herself and her desires that she is willing to let two superhumans and their clan of vampires/werewolves tear the world a new asshole because she deserves it, that’s why!… Just as someone is free to hate the story of some random ass good-looking person who suddenly gains super powers, meets a villain who also gains super powers, and then they tear a city to pieces because SUPERHEROES and JUSTICE!

I have always lived by the philosophy that if you enjoy a movie or a book or something like that, than that is fine. I will not hold it against you. I may disagree with you or question your taste based upon my tastes, but if you truly like something, then far be it from me to judge you. I judge the film, the video game, the book, and so forth. I do not judge (or try not to judge) the people who genuinely like it.

Do you want to know the people who like Twilight? Young teenagers and middle aged women who just want to lose themselves in a fantasy. Sometimes yes people do fantasize about being the center of attention, of being fought after by two people who are enamored with them. Is that terrible? Well yes, but that is why it is a FANTASY! Fantasize all you want as long as that doesn’t transition into that person tugging on the heart-strings of two poor souls, then who cares? Do what you want and let’s be honest, I’m sure everyone has fantasized of much worse than that.

At the end of the day, it is a foregone conclusion that Twilight from a literary and cinematic standpoint is a terrible series… But now that that is done, let’s please shut the hell up about it and let the people who do enjoy it, enjoy it.

Thank you for reading. If you liked this review then please like and subscribe for more from me.

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