Tanner Reviews Python

230px-PythoncoverBoy I am running out of ideas aren’t I. Considering the fact that I am dirt poor at the moment and coming off of a Mountain bender, I feel the need to cleanse and talk about something that I actually like. Oh yes, I actually quite enjoy some straightforward CGI exploitation, SyFy Channel Original movie from time to time (back in the days when it was called SciFi and had a little more personality than today which is the equivalent of a wet hat). Now I could talk about Sharknado, but honestly what can I say about it that everyone else hasn’t already said about it besides it was a good movie, but Rotten Tomatoes you have lost all credibility in my book when the film ranks somewhere in the 90% of certified fresh. It is good, it isn’t THAT DAMN GOOD. But I digress, no, I wish to talk about one of the original fake CGI splooge fests that graced our television screens before SciFi started ramming it down out throats, Python.

Python is set in the small town that is the unfortunate victim of an accident that leaves a gigantic 129 foot long acid spitting snake loose on the unknown population. When people begin to turn up dead from corrosive acid, our local town Deputy Greg Larson (William Zabka) suspects his former friend now romantic rival John Cooper (Frayne Rosanoff) as the primary suspect, due to the fact that his factory is the only company in town that carries such powerful acid. Well naturally you can’t do anything these days without the NSA finding out so on behalf of them, they send special agent Parker (Casper Van Dien) and the snakes creator Dr. Anton Rudolph (Robert Englund) to solve the problem. They quickly learn that this will be no small task and it is up to our group of plucky heroes to save the day from this rampaging monstrosity.


Well Acted from an Ensamble B-List Cast

While the main character is a relative nobody, this is actually a pretty star-studded cast of B-Listers that a SciFi original movie could recruit for a film. You have Freddie Krueger himself, Robert Englund, Johnny ‘Starship Troopers’ Rico Casper Van Dien, two young Jenny McCarthy and Wil ‘I shit you not’ Wheaton appears in this film, and even the Karate Kid’s worst nemesis Johnny Lawrence aka Billy Zabka appears in this movie.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I would say that is one of the greatest cast of B-List celebrities that I have ever seen. Most of the people on that list are famous in their own right and have droves of loyal followers who will watch anything that they are in. Plus none of them sleepwalk through their role. In a movie that they easily could have, these guys gave it their all and I applaud them for it. Well done across the board.

Laughably Bad

The CGIimages

To say that the CGI in this movie is bad would be one of the biggest understatement that I have made as a critic. The CGI snake is laughably bad. Not even a two-year old kid would believe that this snake is real. It looks as if the cast of characters is being attacked by a gigantic cartoon instead of a terrifying monster. But in all honesty, as horrendously bad as it is… I do not mind it. In fact, I would almost call it a great thing. One of the best things about these SciFi Creature Features is the fact that the CGI is so horrible. They are being attacked by a cartoon snake. Come on, that is amazing! If the snake looked real, it would just be another dime a dozen horror movie that would be lost to obscurity. But due to its badness, it is remembered and I for one absolutely love it.


Not Much Past ‘Big Monster Eats People’

Python isn’t much more than what it is, a silly creature feature. While there is more plot than others that came after it, there isn’t enough there to warrant anything beyond that. The movie is a cheeky and fun watch but if you are looking for something beyond ‘gigantic snake shows up and starts killing/eating people. Then I’m afraid you have come to the wrong place. Then again, I question how many people saw the cover and name Python and thought they were about to watch The Tree of Life.


This movie is a lot of fun. It is a goofy, not taken seriously, and well acted creature feature that was the precursor to the overly loved Sharknado. It is well acted and for the type of movie that it is, it is done exceedingly well. The CGI is goofy, fake, and beyond watching people get eaten by a snake, there isn’t much more to it than that. But if you are the kind of person who just wants to be entertained and kill two hours while watching some wacky hijinks, this is the movie that you should pick up.

Final Score 3.5/5

Thank you for reading and as always if you enjoyed this review then please like and subscribe for more. I’m hoping now that I have a little money in my pocket to see a new release so you can hopefully look forward to that on Sunday.

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