Well… It is Exploitation April so I suppose a movie that would be featured in the dark theaters where 90% of the audience was men masturbating in their overcoats. Let’s be honest here, we can talk about a plethora of different kinds of exploitation, but exploitation at its most base form is simply porn. Sex sells and the porn industry knows this all too well. I don’t mind porn so much. It is there for a reason and by all means have at it. But when a movie that is made like porn tries to be more than porn, well then the movie either comes across as terrible, sleazy, and a mix of both.
Schoolgirl Hitchhikers is a 1973 film brought to us by Jean Rollin. When two lesbians embark on an adventure through one of the crew’s back yard and never once hitchhiking, they find themselves in an old run down house. After a night of steamy sex, they find the inhabitant of the house, a 70’s porn star complete with a handlebar mustache. After they all have a lovely night of fucking, the girls camp literally within eye shot of the house and the man turns out to be a jewelry thief. The two girls tragically get caught up in one of the jewel thief’s S&M sessions and the story follows the two girls as they attempt to escape and bed the thieves.
It Accomplishes What it Set Out to Do, But Doesn’t Even Do it Well
So this is a movie that is meant to exploit sex and women. Got it, makes sense. It is accomplishing what it set out to do which is to be sleazy wank material for the good people of the 70’s. The only problem I have is that it doesn’t do its job well. There is the concepts of erotica and hardcore porn, but this movie doesn’t seem to do either very well. Hardcore, oh definitely not and softcore… Well people are naked, kissing, and touching each other. But beyond that it is about as erotic as a high school educational video on sex.
The eroticism is boring and the script seems to be written around keeping these people from acting in any way since all of them suck. Even when they are attempting to exploit, they are failing.
I would not say that the script is all over the place, but it just seems to meander from point A to point B. Two girls are walking through the woods, not hitchhiking in the slightest, they stumble into a house, they fuck, they meet a diamond thief, they get involved in a BDSM section, cops show up, more fucking happens, and then the movie ends. Through these different scenes, they barely talk, they barely interact except with each others genitalia.
This whole movie is made around making sure these people don’t act, poorly dubbed as little as possible, and end up naked as much as possible. I know I’m asking a lot out of smut, but you could at least make an attempt to polish the turd before you shove it in my face.
My god these people are terrible. Not only are all of them dubbed, but besides the main character who does some semblance of emotion, all of these people have the facial expression of a person waiting for the bus to come. They just seemed to vacantly stare into nothingness before they start sucking on tits or vaguely licking each other like they were covered in sugar. I know erotic actors and actresses aren’t meant to be the cream of the crop when it comes to talent, but just a little bit of reaction would be nice.
Overall Poorly Made
I can beat around the bush forever and trust me it is the 70’s so there is a lot of it, but overall this movie is just some persons home movies that some how made it into a store to be sold. It is the same thing as Disaster LA and Turner Clay. This movie is pure ass and yet you can find it on Netflix. The movie quality I can forgive since it was the 70’s. But the acting is poor, the writing is poor, and even the eroticism is poor! It is just plain terrible!
This movie is absolutely terrible. I can get behind some smut from time to time, but if you are going to be smutty and sleazy then at least be smutty and sleazy. This movie seems to want to film some sleaze, but halfway through decided… Nah let’s just go the erotica route. If you are going to get sleazy, get sleazy! At least Rene Cardonna Jr owned up to the fact he was getting sleazy. Overall this isn’t worth the watch even for 70’s sleaze sake!
Final Score 0.5/5
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