Tanner Reviews Jurassic World

Jurassic_World_posterWell my word, that was certainly an experience. It has been no secret that I have been interested in this movie since the beginning of the year. Jurassic Park is one of my all time favorite movies, so after a disappointing sequel involving William H. Macy and several years in limbo, a continuation of the story has been released. Am I satisfied with the final product of Jurassic World? Well, a little bit of yes and a little bit of no. Jurassic World was unable to capture the whimsical wonder of the original movie while simultaneously being a suspense driven thrill ride… However it was able to capture some of those elements to make for a decent summer block buster. 

The movie is set twenty-two years in the future from the events of the first movie. John Hammond has since passed away and has asked his friend and fellow billionaire Simon Masrani (Irrfan Kahn) to create a new park in Hammond’s original image. Now, Jurassic Park is a fully functional theme world akin to Seaworld and Disneyland. People travel on ferries to Isla Nublar where they will find a strip of restaurants and various attractions. There are now rides and even a fucking petting zoo with little tiny dinosaurs you can pet!

The story centers around a number of people, primarily two boys named Zach and Gray (Nick Robinson and Ty Simkins). Their parents are getting a divorce and have sent the kids to Jurassic Park while they handle the divorce and in the care of their aunt Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) who is in charge of the day-to-day functions of the park. She, however, is too busy trying to get the park’s latest attraction up and running in order to produce the dwindling numbers of the park… Because you know, living dinosaurs, who gives a fuck about that? Let’s create a big mother fucking one that can eat people. Logical, no? Trust me, we will get to this later, but I digress.  The new creature, known as the Indominus Rex, is a gigantic super carnivore that has been spliced together with various other dinosaurs.

Well needless to say, this thing finds a way to escape its enclosure and starts wreaking havoc on the island. The Park enlists the help of Owen Grady (Chris Pratt), an ex navy man and the velociraptor trainer for the park who has been able to train his four raptors Charlie, Echo, Delta, and Blue to follow his commands to help deal with the beast and that is the overall plot of our film!


It Keeps the Whimsical AspectsJurassic-World_1_0

One of the major problems with the second and the third Jurassic Park movies is that they lost all of the whimsical wonder that the original film had. What made Jurassic Park great was that it was suspenseful and terrifying when the dinosaurs escaped, but before that everyone was in awe and in wonder of seeing these creatures alive and in their ‘natural habitat’. The second film only featured a handful of scenes while the third lost pretty much all of it and it is what absolutely killed those movies. This movie luckily brings back some of the awe-inspiring moments by letting the dinosaurs do what they do.

The place operates very much like a theme park with rides and attractions to wow and awe people. There are moments that the movie takes away from the suspense or the action to see people genuinely enjoying a fun time at a theme park. This is so important because it reminds the viewer what this park is supposed to be and that there is still a childlike glee in seeing these dinosaurs come to life in front of you.

Granted, a lot of these parts is kind of shat on by the teenager Zach looking completely disinterested in FUCKING DINOSAURS IN FRONT OF HIM! Jesus! I know that this is a theme park and the whole story is going that seeing a dinosaur is now like seeing an elephant, but fuck off kid! These are dinosaurs! Enjoy yourself! But at either rate, the movie does maintain a strong whimsical aspect to the movie and while the balance isn’t quite right like it was in the original movie, it is still a welcome aspect of the film.

Some Parts Don’t Make Sense… But That is Okay

I love that this movie has that summer blockbuster feel to it. It is that good ole summer time feel where you see a big budget popcorn movie and it is so awesome that you forget the fact that some of it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.

The mere creation of the Indominous Rex is a head scratcher and I will get into it in future sections, but you really don’t question too much while you are sitting in your seat and watching the movie. You are just so awe-struck by how cool this fucking dinosaur is and its super intelligence that you accept that it exists instead of really questioning why someone would be so stupid to create this thing.

How were they able to find Owen Grady? A guy who was in the navy that also just happens to be a raptor expert? How many of those people exists? The guy is like Robert Muldoon from the first movie if Muldoon wore longer shorts and didn’t severely underestimate the raptors pack hunting capabilities.

You don’t question the liopleradon and how its tiny little electric fence surrounding the enclosure is nothing if it really wanted to escape. You just chalk it up to the thing being very lazy and content with being fed instead of feasting on park goers.

My personal favorite comes from the Top 10 richest men in the world, Simon Masrani who earlier in the film was learning to fly a helicopter. Well when shit starts to get fucked and they need live ammunition, they decide to take a helicopter mounted with a Gatling gun and take the beast out from the sky. Who do you think is going to be flying this bad boy? Well none other than Simon Masrani, pulling a President Whitmore straight out of Independence Day. Yep, the inexperienced Masrani takes this helicopter into battle, to take down this Rex, and it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense… But you are still loving every single second that it is happening.

This is just one of the many things in this movie that don’t make a lot of sense, but the way it is made, it doesn’t really matter. You can just sit back and enjoy everything that is folding out in front of you just like any good summer blockbuster should do.


This Movie is Brutal in Some Parts

I am not sure if this is a pro or a con of the movie, but at either rate, this movie is easily the most brutal of the four movies. I mean, it is absolutely gory and graphic at some parts. Granted, you come to expect that. This is a movie about dinosaurs getting loose and eating people, you are expecting a little bit of gore. But, this movie pulls no punches when it comes to that. I am honestly surprised it was able to get a PG-13 with some of the shit that happens.

Not only do you watch in graphic detail what this Indominous Rex does to the various people it catches, but you also have scenes where the two boys guardian and Claire’s assistant Zara is picked up by a group of Pteranodons and is dropped into a Lioplerodon’s water tank (think gigantic carnivore lizard) than is devoured by the gigantic thing along with the Pteranodon. That was some shit straight out of Deep Blue Sea

Add on a later scene when the raptors are fitted with night vision cameras and after the obvious turn, they eat a group of soldiers, you get a lovely scene where you are witnessing these people being devoured from the raptor’s point of view. It is fucking brutal in every sense of the word.

Add in other scenes involving blood splatter and people just getting torn apart and you easily have one of the most graphic PG-13 movies I have ever seen. It isn’t a pro or a con because it doesn’t necessarily distract from the movie or enhance it, but it will most certainly take you by surprise if you are not ready for it.


The Military Using Something as a Weapon Subplot is so Overused

I am so sick of this subplot. I am sick of the mere concept that whenever anything is created, the military has to show up to weaponize it while its creators say ‘no it is not meant for war, it is meant for entertainment.’ It is so overused to the point that now it just insults your intelligence. In the movie, there is a character named Vic Hoskins (Vincent D’Onofrio) who is the head of inGen’s security force. After seeing the raptors taking Owen Grady’s command, he insists that they need to be used as military weapons against enemies. They try to cover all bases by saying that they take commands and that they can do things that military drones simply cannot do like search caves and track scents. Owen is, of course, vehemently against this plan, to which Vic waits for his perfect moment to get to use these fuckers in a field test sort of way.

I give zero fault to Vincent D’Onofrio. He plays the part perfectly! He has that attitude that is simultaneously correct, but is delivered in a way that is just so sleazy and so despicable that you are just waiting for the moment in the film when he gets his comeuppance. But even with D’Onofrio’s acting, I still cannot stand this fucking subplot. It doesn’t add anything to the film except a couple of more grunts to get murdered and to show that inGen is just as evil as we always pictured them to be and the schtick is so overplayed. I almost feel like I need to give a spoiler alert just for the fact that I am talking about this subplot, because we all know how it fucking ends. There is no twists or turns to it, it is just straight up military/mercenaries poking their nose into shit again.

90% of this Movie is Made Possible By Characters Having Zero Common Sense

While the pro of this movie is that a lot of shit happens that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it is still cool so it can get a slide… You cannot deny the fact that this movie occurs because everyone who works at Jurassic Park with the exception of Owen Grady and nerdy tech Lowery (Jake Johnson) LACK ALL COMMON SENSE IMAGINABLE!

Let’s start with the new guy who is working with Owen and his friend Barry (Omar Sy). There is a pig that they use to bait the raptors into training them into following Owen’s lead. Well after the cool scene where Owen accomplishes this, the pig escapes to which this new guy screams ‘PIG IS LOOSE’ and tries to wrangle it back in. Of course, as he catches it with a rope, one of the raptors snag it and he gets tossed into the pin. Owen saves the guys life, but you still just sit there and say… Why the hell would you try to save this fucking pig? I am not faulting the movie or the writing for this. I am faulting this new guy who thinks that he needs to save this pig at all costs from raptors! Just let the raptors eat the fucking pig. I’m sure you have plenty more pigs and the raptors get a free meal that day. It is better than the raptors getting a free human on top of the fucking pig.

But now let’s get to the premise of the movie, this Indominous Rex. Okay, I know that sales are ‘steady’ and you need a ‘new attraction’ to keep up interest… But these are fucking dinosaurs! You are really having a hard time selling dinosaurs that you need this big fucking attraction? But even than, do you really need to create a super intelligent super carnivore without thinking of the precautions of if this thing possibly escapes and wreaks untold havoc on your patrons? After this thing escapes and proves that it has camouflage capabilities, plus the ability to mask its heat signature, as well as being spliced together by several animals, Masrani naturally asks what the fuck did Henry Wu (BD Wong) do and he just offhandedly mentions all the animals they spliced it with and how it can use them to its advantage. Henry Wu is the genius behind Jurassic Park, but my god this man must have zero common sense to just throw a bunch of animals together and say ‘well let’s not worry, I am sure she won’t use this camouflage or mask her heat signature.’

Jurassic-World-imagenThan there is the fact that the (spoilers you fappy bastards) dinosaur pulls the red herring by masking his heat signature so that people could come in and help him escape. Okay, so let’s talk about this fact. The dinosaur claws up the side of the wall, giving it the impression that it escaped. When Owen, fat security guard, and some random hispanic mother fucker go into the cage UNARMED to stare at the marks and of course the creature is still in the paddock which leads to the fat guy opening the doors and allowing the creature to escape.

First off, it doesn’t matter whether the ‘heat signature’ is working or not or that there are marks on the side of the wall. Who in their right mind would just wonder into the paddock of a super carnivore to stare at some marks? All three of these guys don’t bring weapons or exercise any caution when doing this. Owen is lucky that he survives the encounter while the other two get it hard. But than we have to ask the question, was NOBODY watching the fucking walls? The dinosaur scratches up the wall to give the impression that it escaped. I understand that you have this fancy technology… But you didn’t have a single person looking at a wall to see if a FIFTY FOOT LONG DINOSAUR CLIMBED UP AND OVER THE TOP! Wouldn’t you think that there would be footprints outside, maybe some destroyed cars, or maybe any shred of evidence that this thing is now wondering about? No, you just wonder in like it is nothing.

Than let’s add the fact that the Indominous Rex breaks through a cage that keeps the pternadons and dimorphodons… basically your big carnivorous FLYING dinosaurs. When this happens Hoskins, in the control tower, just simply says ‘well it looks like your fox got in the hen house’ and everyone seems on edge because big fucking dinosaur is loose, but the only person who seems to realize the severity of the situation is Lowery, the dinosaur aficionado with the dinosaurs all over his desk. He is the only one who has the common sense to realize that, yes this thing is in this bird enclosure, but also, and more importantly… YOU JUST RELEASED HUNDREDS OF MAN EATING FLYING DEATH DINOSAURS ONTO A THEME PARK POPULATION! These things are the ones that do the most damage to the regular theme park attendees. They probably should have told the guests that it would be a great idea to possibly take shelter inside when a dinosaur is on the loose and only do so when the flying dinosaurs are just overhead to wreak untold havoc on the people.

I could keep going on and on about this, but what it boils down to is that this movie would not occur if people would just not be so fucking stupid. It is to the point that it becomes something of a distraction if you think too long on the subject.


This movie is a lot of fun. It has that classic summer blockbuster feel and you will certainly leave the theater knowing that you had a good time. On a technical level, there are various problems with the movie. The military subplot is overdone, a lot of the characters lack any strong common sense, and it just doesn’t have that classic Jurassic Park feel that the original possessed.

However… It is still a solid movie. Chris Pratt is enjoyable, the kids are good actors, the movie does have that whimsical terror aspect to it, and it is most certainly a movie that you can enjoy in theaters. I suggest if you have a chance, give it a go, and make a night out of it.

Final Score 3/5

Thank you for reading and as always, if you enjoyed this review, please like and subscribe for more from me.

One thought on “Tanner Reviews Jurassic World”

  1. Just saw it. Good review and covers all of the points. I may want to add that the ‘sensing people through the glass’ thing they say in the movie is total bullshit. Infrared radiation cannot go through glass. If you don’t believe me look it up, you’ll at least find it on Mythbusters. One last thing, you use ‘than’ instead of ‘then’ when describing Zara’s death and the need to add new, more exciting attractions.

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