Tis the season ladies and gentlemen! It is that magical time of the year again when the northern hemisphere gets colder and we start winding down the year of 2015. For me and this website, this is always a time for catch up. I watch a lot of movies and I play a lot of games and sometimes the reviews for them slip through the cracks and by the time I want to release them, it would seem that their zeitgeist has past and have already slipped out of the public’s consciousness. So, this is typically the time when I release a clutch of three to four mini reviews to get the information out onto the website since I missed them the first time around. It is a time to look back at 2o15 and the movies and video games that were created with a longing in my heart… Or a sharp pain dependent upon the subject. Either way, this is my yearly 4 Mini Reviews of 2015!
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Fuck this movie! There was no reason that it needed to be made, there was no one clamoring for a sequel to the first movie, there was no point in making this movie other then being a blatant cash in. The first Hot Tub Time Machine was an amazing comedy movie. It gave some throwbacks to the 1980’s, it told a good and cheeky story, and it had a charisma to it that was undeniable.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2 was taking parts of that movie, ampping them up to gratingly annoying levels, and then demanding that we give them cash for a sequel to a movie that we didn’t even want a sequel to. Rob Corddry’s character goes from being the likable asshole to an absolute monster of a human being, the relationship to his son played by Clark Duke goes from being a strained yet loving relationship to downright abuse, and now apparently these three bozos just play fast and loose with the timeline of reality for laughs. It is a terrible sequel, it is a terrible movie, and it should not be viewed by anyone.
Final Score 0.5/5
Ah, the one movie that I was glad to see out of these three. If you were ever looking to kill two hours of your life and just wanted to watch a popcorn movie, then look no further than San Andreas. This is just simple, summer block buster fun. Dewayne Johnson is solid in the movie, the effects are great, and it is one of those movies that you can just be entertained by watching Nevada becoming the new wine country and California suddenly having some lovely island side property.
Yeah, most of the city of San Francisco gets buttfucked by the San Andreas fault. The action that occurs from this and watching The Rock trying to save his ex wife and daughter makes for some thrilling and entertaining action sequences. It is definitely worth, at least, a one time watch when it inevitably shows up on FX for a weekly movie night.
Final Score 3/5
The Order 1886
If I were to use one word to describe my feelings towards The Order 1886, it would be ‘generic.’ In a way, The Order 1886 is everything that is wrong with the video game industry. It is a pretty and well polished turd that has no character or charsima of its own. It leeches off of better ideas from better games and packages them with pretty wrapping paper for you to consume. On a technical level, it isn’t bad. The graphics and controls are there. But it brings absolutely nothing new to the table and in today’s competitive gaming market, we demand more than just ‘well it looks cool, has some good graphics, and has a steampunky sort of feel to it.’ Overall, this game may very well be the worst video game of 2015.
Final Score 1/5
The Divergent Series: Insurgent
Whenever I first saw the first Divergent movie, I admitted that the movie had its merits but simply wasn’t for me. I am not a young adult fan in general and in order to pull me in, you do need a little more going for you in terms of plot. Harry Potter and The Hunger Games are examples of this and even then I would question categorizing Harry Potter as YA, but that is a discussion for another day.
Simply put though, while the first Divergent movie had its merits, but completely lost me to a plot that I didn’t understand and YA material that did not bring me into the story… Insurgent is just bad. This can be attributed less to the story and more to the fact that they replaced decent director Neil Burger with Robert Schwentke, a man who has brought us such ‘gems’ as R.I.P.D. and The Time Traveler’s Wife. Combine this with the screenplay writing of Akiva Goldsman, the king of ‘what the fuck Hollywood?!’ writing and you have a recipe for disaster. I’m not sure how faithful they kept to the source material, but what I can say is that this movie takes a good concept and craps all over it with shitty directing and piss poor writing.
Final Score 1.5/5
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