Tanner Reviews SummerSlam

SummerSlam_2016Well, here we are again. I noticed quickly that my WrestleMania 32 review was quite popular back in March. However, I did not want my website to become dedicated to wrestling since this is a movie and video game review site first and foremost. So doing a review on all big WWE events would feel… Well excessive. But there are the Big Four to consider, the four biggest matches in WWE’s yearly line up, WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series, and Royal Rumble. So I decided that I would cover the four of them instead to reach a nice and happy medium.

Overall, I have to say that 2016 SummerSlam was good. It certainly was one of the better events on the WWE card this year and left us with some amazing feel good moments as well as some good matches to boot. There were some problems with the night, but overall, the pros outweigh the cons. So we are going to look at all the matches on the card and see how they went down. The Pre-Show matches will be covered, but to a lesser extent then the main card.

Pre Show

12 Man Tag Team Match

This thing was a cluster fuck. The thing is that this shit can be interesting if creative would make it interesting. As it stands though, putting twelve bumble-fucks in a ring so everyone can give a little bit of time is not the way to go about doing it. There is little more to say about it other than it was as every other twelve man tag team matches go, a complete forgettable ball of nothing with a handful of unnecessary chinlocks.

Final Score: 1/5

Dudley Boyz vs. Sami Zayn & Neville

Sami Zayn deserves better. This guy has had three arguable 5 star matches this year with Shinsuke Nakamura, a fatal four-way with Owens, Cesaro, and Miz, and last months match which was also with Kevin Owens. Now he is on the pre-show beating the Dudley Boyz with Neville. Please find him something better. Beyond that, the match was nothing special.

Final Score: 2/5

Best of Seven Series
Cesaro vs. Sheamus

This match was exactly what anyone would think it would be, good. Cesaro and Sheamus have good chemistry and they started their best of seven series in good fashion with a decent match.

Final Score: 2.5/5

Main Show

downloadEnzo & Big Cass vs. Jeri-KO

Okay, first off, someone working for WWE Creative needs to get fired for making one of the dumbest fucking tag team names to ever be in WWE. Seriously… This is the best you got, Jeri-KO. You couldn’t go with Y2KO? The Dirty Canadians was already taken? KO-Jericho too catchy for you? Nope, you have to go with Jeri-KO. That is the dumbest fucking mash-up name since Breezango. Please, someone working in WWE creative. Come up with a few more names before you go with the first mash up name that comes into your fucking mind.

But beyond that, the match was great. Enzo Amore is one of the best talkers in WWE, Big Cass is a fucking freight train of a big man wrestler, and the combination of Jericho and Kevin Owens is the perfect whining heel tag team out there today. They had a great match that saw Jericho and Kevin Owens walking away victorious with a much needed win. It was an excellent opening bout.

Final Score: 3/5

download (1)WWE Women’s Championship
Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte

It saddens me to say this… But this match kind of sucked. Which is a shame. Charlotte and Sasha Banks are two of the best out there today. But my god… There were so many botches in this match starting with Charlotte dropping Sasha Banks on her fucking head from the top turnbuckle. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I cringed when I saw Banks crumple to the ground as Charlotte stepped back with the biggest “I have done fucked up” face. Whether this was a work or not is irrelevant to the fact that it made Charlotte look careless and unpolished.

It was all down hill from there with several other more minor botches from Charlotte and Sasha Banks trying to compensate. It wasn’t a good night for the two great wrestlers which eventually ended with Charlotte getting an awkward pin over the Boss and the belt reverting back to the former champ.

Final Score: 2/5

download (2)WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz vs. Apollo Crews

Considering the fact that this night was so good, it is a shame that this match is going to be completely forgotten. It wasn’t bad, in fact, it was fine. The Miz and Apollo Crews put on a good match that ended, expectedly, with a clean win for The Miz over the smiling Crews. The Miz continues to be one of the best heels in WWE while Apollo Crews goes back to smiling and losing on SmackDown; sunrise, sunset.

Final Score: 2.5/5

download (3)AJ Styles vs. John Cena

This is everything I could have hoped for and more. I do not mind John Cena. I do think he is a good wrestler and I do think he does a good job at doing what he does, which is be the face of the company, and a truly remarkable human being when it comes to being a role model for children. The problem I have is when he is put over people who desperately need a win. There have been several instances where a star could be made over night by beating John Cena in a series of matches… But Cena always seems to get the win back and come out on top. But this did not happen here… At least I hope it stays this way.

John Cena and AJ Styles had the best match of the night, easily. They gave it their all and it showed in the ring. Ultimately, AJ Styles kicked out of the top rope AA which eventually saw him win the match in grand fashion and John Cena leaving the Never Give Up wrist band in the center of the ring. Was this a true passing of the torch moment? I hope so because that would instantly make Styles a star for the ages.

Final Score: 4.5/5

download (4)WWE Tag Team Championship
The New Day vs. Gallows & Anderson

Beyond the painfully overplayed “Dr.” Gallows and “Dr.” Anderson schtick, the match was well done. Although, I do love that Graves, Cole, and Saxton have to be VERY careful to say DOCTOR Gallows in the event they utter Doc Gallows and refer to Gallow’s New Japan name. But I digress, the New Day is one of the greatest things to happen to WWE in quite some time. With this recent title reign now spanning over a year and combine that with their previous win, The New Day has been a dominant act in WWE with no signs of ending anytime soon. This also makes them the first champion to pass the true year mark since CM Punk. Thus, making anyone who pins them for the belts instant stars in the process.

While some may disagree, I liked the ending. Jon Stewart and Big E made for a great SummerSlam moment by saving Jon Stewart from the chodiest ring posts WWE has ever created. This means that the New Day has officially passed the year mark and keeps the feud going with Anderson and Gallows.

Final Score: 3.5/5

download (5)WWE World Championship
Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler

This was an okay match. It wasn’t great, but I do not think it was supposed to be great. Dean Ambrose is clearly the face that runs the place on SmackDown and they need to build a program around him. With AJ Styles, John Cena, and as much as I hate to say it Randy Orton tied up in other feuds, Dean needs someone credible to beat that won’t be detrimentally hurt by losing to him (i.e. Bray Wyatt). Thus Dolph Ziggler, a former World Champion is a good fit.

They didn’t have the best match on the card. In fact, it was overshadowed by just about every other big marquee match out there. But it gave Dean Ambrose a win, kept his title win strong, and entertained us for most part.

Final Score: 3/5

download (6)Becky Lynch, Naomi, & Carmella vs. Alexa Bliss, Natalya, & Nikki Bella

I never thought I would say this, but thank god SmackDown got Nikki Bella. I’m not sure if she is a permanent main stay or just showed up to fill in for the suspended Eva Marie. But either way, Nikki coming back adds a lot more depth to a young women’s division on the blue brand in desperate need of padding… Now if only they can bring in Bayley to really build it up.

Either way, the match was okay. It suffered from the fact that it was a bathroom match that I could not give a fuck about. SmackDown needs to work out a better angle for their divisions then just put all of them in the ring to make sure everyone knows they exist. This makes this match decent, but ultimately forgettable save for the return of Nikki Bella.

Final Score: 2/5

imagesWWE Universal Championship
Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins

This match was everything anyone could hope for and more. Sure, it was marred by the fact that they are fighting over one of the dumbest fucking belts imaginable (seriously, the red strap NEVER looks good.) But all things considered, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor tore down the house for the true SummerSlam main event.

This was a perfect coming out party for Finn Balor. Unlike other wrestlers who have come up from NXT after being indie darlings, Balor has the support of Triple H, the look, and the feel to carry the company into a new era, a much better era than before. Rollins did an excellent job making the match look great and Balor is going to be an amazing top tier champion.

Final Score: 4.5/5

download (7)WWE United States Championship
Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

It is hard to score this match because it technically never happened. However, there was some interesting stuff in there that is worth mentioning. Namely, the way in which Rusev and Reigns were portrayed. If there was ever a moment for Roman Reigns to put on the black hat, here is the moment. All things considered, Rusev got beaten by this monster of an asshole, suffering a rib injury in the process. Then Roman Reigns, in great heel fashion, speared the wounded Rusev as the doctors were trying to help him as Lana starred at her husband worried about her poor husband.

Is this the Roman Reigns heel turn we have all been looking for? Nah, probably not. It is probably just someone’s idea of how to make Roman Reigns look like a bad ass. BUT IF it is, it is a master stroke switching Reigns and making the “foreign heel” Rusev a sympathetic babyface defending the honor of his woman. Where this will go? I don’t know, but it at least got me thinking. Which is more than I can say for a few other matches on the card.

Final Score: 2.5/5

download (8)Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton

This was how we end SummerSlam?! This was one of the best shows in some time! But this is how we end it?! Not with Finn Balor or Dean Ambrose?! But with these two assholes?! Listen, I’m not a big fan of Randy Orton or Brock Lesnar. Randy Orton is an all around mean spirited person who is a wrestler from a bygone age. I was hoping, after he healed from his last injury, that he would stay away from the ring. But no, he came back, and he went up against a man who could not give two shits about his position in the WWE. I know Brock Lesnar is big and I know he is an MMA fighter which, for some bewildering reason, rustles the jimmies of a lot of wrestling fans. But this is a guy who does not care about pro wrestling and is only their to collect a paycheck and look big. So yeah, I am one of the few grouches out there who did not give a flying fuck about this thing.

The match, even if I had given a fuck, did nothing for me. It was the standard affair. Brock dominates the offense with hard hitting moves, the other person gets some offense in, and then we finish everything up. Now, I’m not sure if Orton really got busted open or if a blood capsule was used, but the match finished in a TKO win for Brock Lesnar after a few minutes of action and a bloody scene for Orton. Brock Lesnar left after punching Randy a few more times and I leave a great SummerSlam wishing we had ended with Reigns and Rusev.

Final Score: 1/5 

Thank you for reading and as always, please like and subscribe for more.

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