SPOILER ALERT: This is a review of Wrestlemania 33. This means that the results of which will be listed in the post. If you have not seen Wrestlemania 33 yet, PLEASE, go watch it before you read this. Now that I have said this, I am conscious free.
It is that time of year again! Wrestlemania has come and gone and it is time to look back at the night and see how it compares to years prior! This is a review of Wrestlemania 33. I will review each match, scaling them on a scale of 1-5. With that said, let’s start with the pre show
Neville (C) vs. Austin Aries
This match could have been better than what it turned out to be. Don’t get me wrong, Aries and Neville put on a good show. Especially during the pre-show when the crowd is still filling up the arena. Ultimately, there was nothing “special” about the match. There was a rather vicious german suplex on Aries, courtesy of Neville. The match was decent paced but nothing else to speak of the first match on the card.
Result: Neville pins Austin Aries
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (w/Cheese)
This thing was a cluster fuck, as most battle royals are. There was over 30 participants in this damn thing and from bell to bell it was a mess. It was the hack way to get everyone on the card for that paycheck, as they typically are, and wrestlers like Sami Zayn, Luke Harper, and Braun Strowman deserved better. Especially since Braun Strowman was eliminated early on to make his somewhat burial complete. Sure, it took most of the guys in the ring to get Strowman out… But still… No bueno.
The end of the match was your standard Wrestlemania celebrity affair. Rob Gronkowski, a lifelong friend of Mojo Rawley, showed up to teach Jinder Mahal a lesson and it ended with Rawley getting the win and joining Cesaro, Big Show, and Baron Corbin. Ultimately, I’m glad Rawley won the match. If it wasn’t going to be Strowman, it needed to be someone WWE has invested in like Rawley… But man… there was nothing much else to this thing.
Result: Mojo Rawley wins last eliminating Jinder Mahal and some interference from Rob Gronkowski
Dean Ambrose (C) vs. Baron Corbin
Why should anyone care about this? WWE sure didn’t. They weren’t even mentioned on the go home show for SmackDown. Then they get bumped to the pre-show for the Women’s SmackDown Six Pack Challenge Match, a decision that I do agree with by the way.
At either rate, this match was the best you can expect from a pre-show. Corbin and Ambrose had a decent match with a number of botched moves. It would be your standard SmackDown affair. The shocker is that Ambrose walked away with the win. What does this mean for Corbin? Who knows! But tonight most certainly was not Corbin’s night.
Result: Dean Ambrose pins Baron Corbin
Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles
Sigh… Shane McMahon needs to stop wrestling. It is over man. Call it a day. The only saving grace of this match was AJ Styles and a little bit of enthusiasm from Shane. First and fore most, the entire stipulation of this match is that they were going to win without stipulations or interference. But we had a horrendous ref bump that lasted several minutes followed by the use of tin trash cans… Because… Why the hell not?
AJ Styles looked good and some of the spots went well… But beyond that, McMahon and Styles fell flat as an opener, showing off the dire weaknesses of the Head of SmackDown.
Result: AJ Styles pins Shane McMahon
United States Championship
Chris Jericho (C) vs. Kevin Owens
This match had all the potential to be match of the night and they didn’t disappoint. This match was ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL! Jericho and Owens had stellar chemistry together, they crafted a hard hitting classic, and their move set reflected the story they were trying to tell. Kevin Owens was the man who needed to walk away with the win on this one and he certainly did. Almost half a year worth of build ended with a beautiful pay off!
Result: Kevin Owens pins Chris Jericho
RAW Women’s Championship
Fatal Four Way Elimination Match
Bayley (C) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
This match was alright. The build up was kind of disappointing and it was sad to not see a Sasha Banks heel turn… But to see Bayley get the win at Wrestlemania is always a welcome sight. This match was good. There were some good spots. The four women have good chemistry together. Nia spent the least amount of time in the match, but looked good doing it. All things consider I have little complaints. It wasn’t the women’s match from Wrestlemania 32, but it still was solid.
Results: Bayley pins Charlotte last
RAW Tag Team Championship
Gallows & Anderson (C) vs. Enzo & Big Cass vs. Sheamus & Cesaro vs. The Hardys
The Hardys are back! Holy hell! Even for the smarks of the internet, this had to have been a surprise. This match turned into a mark out moment! Not to mention, Jeff and Matt Hardy finally walk away with their Wrestlemania moment! The match was a little quick paced spot fest with some guys doing spot X and time moment. But beyond the spot monkey aspects, The Hardys winning the belts will easily go down as one of the biggest moments of Wrestlemania 33.
Results: The Hardys claim the championships
John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse
What more can you say? It was a mediocre match which was a vehicle for Cena to propose to Nikki Bella. Congrats to Cena and Nikki… But beyond that, that match wasn’t much of anything
Results: Cena & Bella pin Miz and Maryse
Non Sanctioned Match
Seth Rollins vs. Triple H
This may very well be one of the best matches of the night. Seth Rollins knee injury may very well be the best work in recent years. The match was excellent. Triple H and Seth Rollins had a rock solid pass the torch match that saw Seth Rollins come out on top looking like a bona fide star who will go to any lengths to win the match.
The non sanctioned aspects of it kind of lacked. But beyond that we got Stephanie go through a table, we had great workmanship, and Triple H dethroned by the Architect. Excellent all around.
Results: Seth Rollins pins Triple H
Bray Wyatt (C) vs. Randy Orton
So… When you have an even that last seven damn hours long, eventually things are going to start to drag. It was the WWE Championship match. I could not have been less invested in this match.
My disinterest mainly comes from the fact that we all knew that Randy Orton was winning this match. Bray Wyatt came across as nothing more than a transitional champion. Randy Orton was clearly slated to win for miles away. They worked an adequate match plagued by strange moments where the flow stopped to show maggots and worms. POOR FORM!
Results: Randy Orton pins Bray Wyatt
WWE Universal Championship
Goldberg (C) vs. Brock Lesnar
I don’t care what people say. I don’t care if people find it fun or nostalgic or cool. I fucking hate all of this. Everything about it. Brock Lesnar and Goldberg are two part timers who took away a top tier title championship from full timers because people mark out for the nostalgia. A lot of this fault can also be dropped straight on the fans. Because why most people ask “What does WWE push these part timers all the time?!” and then turn right around and say “OMFHG BORK LASER AND GOLDBERG IN MATCH! SFahdlhgoeihago!!!!”
This match was short, it only featured a handful of moves from Goldberg. Brock Lesnar only did a variety of suplexes before F-5ing him for the win. This match was horrendous and I will defend this statement to any mark who wants to say otherwise.
Result: Brock Lesnar pins Goldberg
WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship
Six Pack Challenge
Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James vs. Carmella vs. Natalya vs. Naomi
This match was fine. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great. It was fine. I guess what do you want more world, the women in the death zone or the women on the preshow? Either way they are getting screwed.
Aside from Mickie James being in an offensive outfit, the match was somewhat uneventful. However, seeing Naomi get the win was great. Other then that, it could have been better if they didn’t say Naomi was an entrant until Wrestlemania.
Results: Naomi submits Alexa Bliss
The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
Well… It is here… We finally hit it. All good things have to come to an end and on 4/3/2017, The Undertaker retired. It went down in a respectful and excellent way. Roman Reigns definitely came across as a heel, as he should have. There was no big respect moment and this will undoubtedly be the highlight in his career.
The match was not much in terms of technical marvel. It was much more of a hard hitting big moves and less of expertise. But it was still a moment to be remembered. This will be a match that will go down in history. More like Hulk Hogan v. Andre the Giant in that it was an okay match with a groundbreaking moment.
At either rate, goodbye Undertaker. You were one of the greatest to step in the ring and you will be missed.
Results: Roman Reigns pins Undertaker
Best Moment: Undertaker’s Retirement
Of course it is, it has to be. It is the end of an era. It was finally time to hang it up and it will go down in history as the titular moment that defines what Wrestlemania 33 is all about.
Worst Moment: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar
It sucked at Wrestlemania 20, it was marginally better at Wrestlemania 33. Please get the belt of Lesnar so we can carry on with full timers instead of part timers.
Worst Match on the Card: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar
Basically the same comments that I have above. I debated between Styles v. McMahon and this one… Ultimately, I have to give a second down to Goldberg v. Lesnar
Best Match on the Card: US Title Match Chris Jericho v. Kevin Owens
It was between this one and Rollins v. Triple H. Ultimately Jericho and Owens edged them out for technically prowess and putting on the cleanest and crispest match on the card.
Wrestlemania 33 Overall
Overall, this one had its share of ups and downs. There wasn’t anything that was egregiously terrible. Even the Goldberg v. Lesnar match will have its followers. It will definitely be ranked in the middle of the pack of Wrestlemanias with it tending to lean towards the good side on the whole. However, no matter what, Wrestlemania 33 will always be remembered for the retirement of The Undertaker.
Final Score 3.5
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