So, first and foremost I do want to say that these Thursday breaks are going to cease. This week I will not only be having Crit or Miss but I will also be changing my movie reviews from written to a YouTube format as well with the new video show Tanner At the Movies.
With that being said though, this will now be my fourth and going on fifth year running this site. All things considered, I do consider myself a movie critic as anyone else would. I do watch movie and review them based on merit and my own critical opinion. While my opinion may or may not be regarded as highly as other more prominent critics, I do consider myself in the same field as narcissistic as that may seem.
Critics are an interesting lot and we are all different as, naturally, human opinions are different. My reviewing style of movies is going to be similar but different to other critics like Leonard Maltin, Roger Ebert, and certainly vastly different to someone like Rex Reed. I have always said it, to truly gage a critics merit you should not look at the movies they review highly, but the movies they review negatively. If you simply pantomime the positive and negative critiques of the general public, you really are just miming what everyone thinks. While the majority of movies do fall into a certain range, there are some movies that are considered “great” or “timeless” that gets under our skins. For instance, Roger Ebert famously gave a highly negative review to A Clockwork Orange and Caligula. Two movies that will go down as being excellent or at least influential. I am certainly no different. There are tons of movies out there that are lauded as classics or at least great movies that I just cannot stand. This list is going to commemorate those movies.
This is the Top 10 Critically Acclaimed Movies… That I Cannot Stand! Now, I am going to list this list on two scales. The first of which being the way in which the movie is received and how much it truly irritates me. With that being said, let’s start with some dishonorable mentions.
The three dishonorable mentions on this list are there mainly for the fact that the movies were not as well received as other movies. However, they are still generally liked by a number of people that drives me absolutely nuts. Moulin Rouge! is a campy and silly jutebox musical. It is relatively harmless… But it certainly is not worth the Academy Award for Best Picture that it received. Napolean Dynamite has received a significant backlash which makes me happy and keeps it off the top ten. But it still always irritated me that this indie anti-comedy was as popular as it was. Billy Madison is by far not a critical darling. However, the fact that this movie still remains as a fond memory for many when it is nothing but the absolute worst of Sandler and his comedy drives me nuts. Superbad… I have talked about Superbad before and the way this relatively nothing movie was beaten into my head ad-nauseum whenever I was a high school. So it gets some love here. With that said, onto the Top 10.
While I can understand that several people think of this movie as an excellent 2000’s coming of age movie… The combination of Michael Cera and Ellen Page with the topic of teenage pregnancy was a mix of dryness and pure teenage terror when I was in high school in 2007.
Since then… Eh, it just stuck with me and even after the fact I didn’t see much to warrant an Academy Award nomination for what was honestly a decent but forgettable coming of age film.
You never forget your first. I remember watching this movie as a kid and absolutely hating it. For the longest time until I grew up, it was my most hated movie of all time. The movie is nothing but a 90 minutes of a rabid dog keeping a bunch of people in a car. It is boring, it isn’t interesting, and I just could not be paid to give a shit.
7. Full Metal Jacket
This one needs some explanation. The first part of Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket is one of the best parts of cinema history. The ruthless Sergeant played by R. Lee Emory, the slipping into insanity by Pyle, and Joker, being the straight man shows the ravages of boot camp during the Vietnam War. However, the second half of Full Metal Jacket is almost completely forgotten.
Whenever I watched Full Metal Jacket the first time, I was surprised that the movie continued past the bathroom scene. There is an entire second half of the movie still to go that is almost completely lost to the sands of time. The reason Full Metal Jacket makes this list is because of that second part. If the movie had ended with the bathroom scene, the movie would not find it on this list. But the fact is that half of this movie is timeless and the other half is completely forgettable means that, on the whole, the movie is just good. The entire movie is fine, but if you have a solid half of your movie not even mentioned in the future of time… That means that you did not come up with a truly amazing film. As such, Full Metal Jacket finds it spot at number 8.
6. Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom
This movie has aged like milk. Not only is it completely out of place in the Indiana Jones it also has the unfortunate dishonor for being completely surrounded by oriental attitude that gives an unrealistic and stupid portrayal of those from India. Add in the fact that Willie and Shortround are two of the most irritating sidekicks in history… It is really hard to sit through. While the other movies are a tone of fun and a lot of punching Nazis… This movie is just not good.
Clerks is a movie that I can fully respect for being a movie that sparked the indy boom in the 90’s. I can also respect it for being a movie from the mind of Kevin Smith who is the King of the Indy Directors. That doesn’t mean I have to like Clerks or actively want to watch Clerks. I like the black and white aesthetic. But beyond that, I don’t care much for Dante as a person and don’t really want to watch a movie that features him. If you like it, take it, but I will not invest anymore hours in it.
4. Donnie Darko
I’m sorry to all of my friends out there that love Donnie Darko. I am sorry to all of those people out there who think that Donnie Darko was a movie that spoke to them. I just… I just can’t. I have watched Donnie Darko a few times, if for no other reason then to shut the people up who say you have to watch it a few times to get it, and each time I have seen it I have walked away with the same thing, it is apparently good because it is confusing.
The story is actually quite simple. A guy plays around with time to learn that it was best that he died at the beginning for all people in his life instead of surviving until the end. It really isn’t that complicated and yet the movie is lauded for being something that is “intriguing,” “dark,” and “mysterious.” Out of all of those things the only thing that I find right about that is “dark.” To this day, I will never find Donnie Darko enjoyable, intriguing, or a good watch.
3. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
It is from this point on that the movies get me more and more mad. I have already talked about Ferris Bueller’s Day Off so I won’t go into too much detail. But I will put it simply. The character of Ferris Bueller is a piece of shit. He is irritating, annoying, entitled, and overall worthless sleazeball and I do not want to watch a movie where he gets everything he wants and faces ZERO consequences. If the rumor is true that Ferris is a made up entity in Cameron’s head… Maybe that makes it slightly better. But not by much.
2. Fight Club
Unreliable narrator. That is it. The movie is the quintessential unreliable narrator movie. Other then that it features a bunch of shit characters being terrible people. Other then that, Fight Club can take its soap, its rules, and shove it up its ass.
While Fargo does not make me as mad as Fight Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, it makes it to number one on this list for the fact that it is the best movie on this list and considered to be one of the greatest of all time that I just do not like. I have seen Fargo a few times now. I have seen it make it into the Top 50 of countless “Greatest Movies of All Time” list. But I’ll be honest… I just do not think it is that good. Maybe I’m just not a fan of dark comedies. Whatever the case, Fargo will be the one movie I will argue with other critics and cinephiles until the end of days.
Thank you for reading and please come back next week for a number of new videos from me.