Tag: Bad Movies

9 Acclaimed Movies… That I Cannot Stand

So, first and foremost I do want to say that these Thursday breaks are going to cease. This week I will not only be having Crit or Miss but I will also be changing my movie reviews from written to a YouTube format as well with the new video show Tanner At the Movies.

With that being said though, this will now be my fourth and going on fifth year running this site. All things considered, I do consider myself a movie critic as anyone else would. I do watch movie and review them based on merit and my own critical opinion. While my opinion may or may not be regarded as highly as other more prominent critics, I do consider myself in the same field as narcissistic as that may seem.

Critics are an interesting lot and we are all different as, naturally, human opinions are different. My reviewing style of movies is going to be similar but different to other critics like Leonard Maltin, Roger Ebert, and certainly vastly different to someone like Rex Reed. I have always said it, to truly gage a critics merit you should not look at the movies they review highly, but the movies they review negatively. If you simply pantomime the positive and negative critiques of the general public, you really are just miming what everyone thinks. While the majority of movies do fall into a certain range, there are some movies that are considered “great” or “timeless” that gets under our skins. For instance, Roger Ebert famously gave a highly negative review to A Clockwork Orange and Caligula. Two movies that will go down as being excellent or at least influential. I am certainly no different. There are tons of movies out there that are lauded as classics or at least great movies that I just cannot stand. This list is going to commemorate those movies.

This is the Top 10 Critically Acclaimed Movies… That I Cannot Stand! Now, I am going to list this list on two scales. The first of which being the way in which the movie is received and how much it truly irritates me. With that being said, let’s start with some dishonorable mentions. Continue reading “9 Acclaimed Movies… That I Cannot Stand”

Tanner Double Feature When the Bough Breaks & Yoga Hosers

You thought this would be the best and worst of 2016? Not just yet! I realized I had the opportunity to see two movies from 2016 that I wanted to add to the list and, as such, I have taken my opportunity. So this will be a fun little double feature that is meant clean up the rest of the movies. So here is a double feature review of Yoga Hosers and When the Bough Breaks. Continue reading “Tanner Double Feature When the Bough Breaks & Yoga Hosers”

From the Vaults: God’s Not Dead

God's_Not_DeadWhy do I do this to myself? Why do I sit through things like this? I honestly have no idea. Nobody is asking for it. Nobody wants me to review these propaganda movies. Just like in War Room, I am doing this to myself. I am putting myself through hell for your all’s entertainment and I am reviewing things that none of my readers saw or wants to see. At either rate, this is God’s Not Dead. The second one just came out so I thought… There isn’t a time like the present to tackle this thing. So let’s get to it. Let’s tackle this horrific movie.

I will state before I go any further that when it comes to personal beliefs, I like to keep mine secret. That is my right as a human being. But I will say that I have no problem with any organized religions. My opinion is that you have the right to believe in whatever you want and I will not take that away from you. So please understand, that this review is not criticizing Christianity in anyway. I am criticizing a terrible film that is nothing more than terrifying propaganda.

So the story mainly takes place on a college campus during a philosophy class. Our resident atheist, Professor Raddison (Kevin Sorbo), demands that his class right on a piece of paper that God is Dead in order to move forward in class. One of the students, Josh Wheaton (Shane Harper) refuses because it is against his religion. Well Professor Raddison, being the horrific atheist that he is, gets angry at the fact that someone would dare be religious in his class and challenges Josh to a debate that takes up the entirety of his class. For the rest of the semester, the two debate with one another attempting to prove that God is either dead or not dead. Continue reading “From the Vaults: God’s Not Dead”

Tanner Reviews No Escape

No_Escape_(2015_film)_posterSo on the opposite side of the coin, after seeing a movie that I thought was going to be bad, but turned out to be good. The next movie I saw was a movie that I thought was going to be decent, but turned out to be festering shit. That may be giving too much away on that one, but I have never been one to be the master of subtlety or waiting for the perfect moment to drop the critic bomb. But in either case, let’s talk about the strange anomaly that is No Escape. I didn’t think a movie like this could exist in this time, but I’ll be damned if I was wrong on that one. I never thought I would see a movie in 2015 that was so unintentionally xenophobic and racist that I was expecting someone to just appear in yellow face shades of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  Continue reading “Tanner Reviews No Escape”

Exploitation April: Cannibal Ferox

220px-CannibalferoxposterSo now that I’m rested and ready to carry on, let’s pick up where we left off with Exploitation April. So far we have covered real life exploitation in Guyana: Cult of the Damned and sexual exploitation in Schoolgirl Hitchhikers. Now it is time to look at another staple of the exploitation genre, horror and gore exploitation.  If there are two things that exploitation is known for it is nudity and excessive violence and nothing exploits these two areas more than the Amazon Cannibal Movies of the Italian Horror Scene during the 1970’s and 1980’s.

This isn’t the first time I have looked at the Amazon Cannibal Movies. For those who have followed me for the past couple of years, I took a look at Cannibal Holocaust. You will also remember that I judged it rather fairly, considering it a decent movie. So what if Ruggero Deodato had to prove in front of a grand jury that he didn’t kill his actors? The movie was still good. But today we are going to look at the cheap knock off of Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox. Directed by Umberto Lenzi, who is often credited as starting the Amazon Cannibal movies, Cannibal Ferox has the feeling of Cannibal Holocaust just with a fraction of the talent and a lot more sleaze.

Continue reading “Exploitation April: Cannibal Ferox”

Shitty Romance Month: Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty-Gray-posterSo let’s end Cheesy Romance Month 2 with one of the most talked about and controversial films of 2015 to date. Granted this is by far not a romantic comedy, but it sure as shit is cheesy in its badness so I feel like it can qualify for the theme. I have been told all week that I should not see Fifty Shades of Grey. For the first time in my critic career, people pleaded with me not to see this movie. It certainly was a strange change of pace to say the least. But I was not to be deterred! I forced myself through the movie and after watching it I have to say that this thing is the most boring and lackluster disappointments I have seen in a very long time.

I went into this movie thinking that it was going to be an absolute train wreck of bad. I was ready for the absolute worst! I was ready for the Battlefield Earth of the 2010’s. But instead of being bad beyond reason, it was just mind numbingly boring. I had to force myself to stay awake through this movie. Talk about completely unexpected! I can not see how anyone would want to see this movie, even those who liked the book. It truly is the cure to insomnia. Continue reading “Shitty Romance Month: Fifty Shades of Grey”

Tanner’s Year Ending 4 Mini Reviews (Rage, Watch Dogs, Elder Scrolls Online, A Winter’s Tale)

It is that time of the year again. 2014 is coming to a close and 2015 is just on the horizon. With that comes a whole new list of video games and movies for me to watch. 2014 has been a year of tops and turns for me. But just like 2013 I feel like as we come to an end, it would be a great idea to give a handful of mini reviews of video games and movies from 2014 just to get as many out there as possible for the best and worst of 2014 (that I personally reviewed. So with that being said I will be looking at 2 movies and 2 video games tonight. We have a lot of reviewing to do so let’s get to it! Continue reading “Tanner’s Year Ending 4 Mini Reviews (Rage, Watch Dogs, Elder Scrolls Online, A Winter’s Tale)”

Tanner Reviews Dead End (2003 Film)

220px-Dead_End_movieLet’s talk about horror movies, in particular let’s talk about horror movies made from 2000-2009. This time period is without a doubt in my mind the worst decade for the entire genre. It is the time after the 1990’s ironic horror genre that gave us movies such as The Faculty and more importantly the Scream franchise. Combine this with the slasher genre of the 1980s and you have the combination of horrific movies that made horror almost unwatchable until recent years. While there have been a few shining rays of light such as the Saw series, for the most part the genre has been marred with movies like The Collector, Hostel, The Human Centipede, countless horrific remakes which include Rob Zombie’s Halloween, and Final Destination. So today I wish to talk about another one of these horrific stinkers from this genre, the 2003 movie Dead End. Directed by Jean Batiste Andrea and starring Alexandra Holden and Ray Wise this film represents better than many films of the genre a movie that had great potential but was ruined by the time in which it was created. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Dead End (2003 Film)”

Top 4 Reasons Why We Need to Shut Up About Twilight

PLEASE STOP IT
PLEASE STOP IT

Guess what everyone? Twilight sucks. I have broken absolutely no new ground by saying that. In fact, by the time this is posted in 2014, the stick I used to womp the what used to be rotting carcass of a dead horse has been worn so thin that I can use it as a tooth pick. The once carcass of said dead horse has also been reduced to little more than a gelatinous pile of festering organs and bruised skin. It is to the point now that it is just an accepted fact of life to the point that anyone with a differing opinion on the matter is chastised into oblivion. Believe me, I am not the person who is going to pick up that torch, jump on my high horse, and defend the series. No, I have made it clear in my review of The Host that I believe the series is very bad and I just like all of you reading this article can list with me all the reasons why Twilight is a bad series. But! For the love of all that is good and decent in this world if I see one more stupid picture that says ‘Still a Better love story than Twilight’, I am going to lose my calm.

If nobody else will say it, than please let me be the one to say it. We get it, we understand. Twilight sucks, a llama making love to a grapefruit is a better love story, you won internet. You can go home now. But what kind of person would I be to just leave it there? Allow me to count the ways on why we need to let this series die.

Before we get started, please keep in mind this is my personal opinion. If you have a differing opinion, please leave them in the comments. Also, keep in mind I AM NOT DEFENDING THE SERIES! If I were to score the movies on my regular scale then they would fall into the 0.5 – 2 area, dependent upon each movie. I do not think the series is a good series, I personally do not enjoy the story. It is not my cup of tea. With that in mind, let’s get to the list. Continue reading “Top 4 Reasons Why We Need to Shut Up About Twilight”

Tanner’s Top 10 Guilty Pleasures

Guilty pleasures… We all have them. It is just a fact of life, no matter how refined our tastes are for certain media we will never escape the fact that there are some movies, television shows, anime, books, and so on and so forth that we KNOW for a fact are absolute steaming piles of shit… But for whatever reason whether it be nostalgia, a certain performance, or just the fact that it is so bad that it is wonderful we just cannot stop watching them. Anybody who says that they do not have a guilty pleasure is either A) too embarrassed to admit to their guilty pleasure or B) lying to themselves saying that it is actually good to make themselves feel better about liking something that is terrible. It is just a fact of life and I am absolutely no exception. I freely admit that I have a long list of guilty pleasures that I thoroughly enjoy watching and have no problem sharing them with you right now in my Top Ten Guilty Pleasures!

Keep in mind, the way that this Top 10 list will be ranked is by the level of badness of the movie + shame that I feel for liking them. Also keep in mind that this is my own personal list. If you would like to share your opinions then please do so, I would absolutely love to hear it. Also if you do not think these movies are bad, please share them. I would love to debate. But make no mistake, if a movie appears on this list, it is in this critics opinion that technically they are absolutely terrible movies, but at the same time I absolutely love them! So let’s get started with some honorable mentions. Continue reading “Tanner’s Top 10 Guilty Pleasures”