Tag: Brenton Thwaites

Tanner Reviews Gods of Egypt

Gods_of_Egypt_posterThis movie is a piece of shit! I already have a strong contender for worst movie of 2016. The movie gods have smiled upon me once again. My god… You know, this really is the worst kind of movie. It is the kind of movie that you can see where the idea was going and in the hands of more capable people, could have been something good. But instead the money is absolutely wasted on a terribly written story, a mix of what could have been good graphics, and just all around shitty camera work makes this film an absolute pile of garbage of awfulness.
The plot of this movie, I think, it was painfully difficult to follow it… BUT the plot that I can glean is that the Gods of Egypt live with the mortals. They are very tall (when the camera work let’s them be), they bleed gold to get that PG-13 rating, they have terrible CGI morphing powers, and are nothing more than condescending dicks to them. Osiris (Bryan Brown) is kind of cool with mortals, but everyone else belittles them and expects there worship… Which the mortals are more than happy to do! Except for our plucky protagonist Bek (Benton Thwaites) who is an atheist, much to the chagrin of the love of his life, Zaya (Courtney Eaton). One day, when Osiris is crowning a new king in Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldu). All is going well until Set (Gerard Butler) gets a wild hair up his ass that he wants to rule Egypt. So he kills Osiris and rips out Horus’s eyes. He then dictates that in order to get into the afterlife, you need to pay your way in… Why? Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck cares, this movie sure as shit doesn’t.

A year passes Horus is a sham of his former self. After Bek robs one of his eyes from Set’s vault, Zaya is killed by the master builder. So Bek and Horus make a pact that if Bek helps Horus get his other eye back and he will bring Zaya back to life. The rest of the movie is a pile of who the fuck knows including battles that would be cool if we paid any amount of attention to it, Horus’s shotty relationship Hathor (Elodie Young), and Ra (Geoffrey Rush) battling a gigantic cloud worm. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Gods of Egypt”

Advertisements

Tanner Reviews Oculus

OculusI’ve been critical of horror movies in the past and their evolution over the years. It is weird, out of all the movie genres it is horror that has such rapid and noticeable swings in the likes and dislikes of the public. In the 80s we saw the rise of the slasher flick, Friday the 13th, Halloween, and the like. In the 90s there was a lot more of a push for surreal thrillers like Silence of the Lambs and Event Horizon. In the 2000s we saw the rise of gore porn with film franchises like Hostel, Saw, and Final Destination leading the charge. Now that we are halfway through the 2010’s I can see the trends of horror are changing again as we find ourselves in more of the slow building dread and haunted house horror stories which we can most likely thank Paranormal Activity, The Conjuring, and Insidious for. Now I’m not saying that these horror tropes are mutually exclusive to their given decades, I’m only saying that they do follow trends that the majority of these movies seem to follow. Hell if they followed exclusive trends such classics as The Exorcist, Poltergeist, Drag Me to Hell, and The Thing would not be in existence.

But as of right now we find ourselves in the 2010s and dreadful slow building horror with stylistic and sharp color tones seems to be all the rage. Thus we find ourselves with today’s topic Oculus. Oculus is a movie brought to us by Blumhouse Productions as well as the infamous WWE Studios, directed by newcomer Mike Flanagan, and stars one of everyone’s favorite companions to The Doctor Karen Gillian and relative newcomer Brenton Thwaites. All things considered this movie should not have been much of a blip on the 2014 movie radar but surprisingly enough gained quite a praise from fans and critics alike. So today we are going to look at it and judge whether or not this movie truly is as good as everyone says it is. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Oculus”