Tag: Doom

2016 Mini Reviews: Angry Birds, Yoga Hosers, 2016 Doom, and True Memoirs of an International Assassin

It is that time of the year again! The end of 2016 is coming and I need to play catch up on my 2016 movies and video games. So this post is going to catch up on the ones that I have missed or don’t want to write a full review for. So with that said, here is a quick review of The Angry Birds Movie, Yoga Hosers, Doom (2016), and True Memoirs of an International Assassin.

the_angry_birds_movie_posterThe Angry Birds Movie

This movie is terrible. Yes, it is a kids movie and it is meant to just be good natured fun. But I know a good kids movie from a bad kids movie and this movie is terrible. It is just a cash in on the Angry Birds franchise which is growing more and more outdated by the day. The plot is just kind of… there. The characters aren’t interesting or relatable. It is nothing more than a fowl cash in.

Final Score: 1.5/5

yoga_hosers_posterYoga Hosers

I honestly do not have the hate for this movie that a lot of people apparently have. It is fine and it isn’t that offensive. This is certainly one of Kevin Smith’s worst films which says something about the director. It is an ode to the current disenfranchised youth similar to that of A Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. If you are from the millenial generation, you will thoroughly enjoy it. If you were a fan of Tusk, you will enjoy it. But beyond that, it is a decent movie that will hopefully lead into Kevin Smith’s next movie, Moose Jaws.

Final Score: 2.5/5

doom_coverDoom (2016)

You know, I’m sure that there were plenty of people who loved this game and I am also sure that they will play it for several years to come… But honestly, who the hell gives a shit about this game? I forgot it existed until just now which is how much of an impact it had on my memory. It is an okay remake that doesn’t have near enough of the impact as the original. It is just there and it will soon only be remembered by the die hard Doom fans among us.

Final Score: 2.5/5

true_memoirs_of_an_international_assassinTrue Memoirs of an International Assassin

I might be grading this movie on a curve… But honestly it isn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, Kevin James will always be attached to the Adam Sandler School of Comedy and even if this wasn’t a Happy Madison production, it definitely had the stink of Sandler on it. But, honestly it isn’t that offensive and Kevin James is kind of charming in the movie. The movie isn’t good, but if you are an Adam Sandler-esque fan or just want to kill some time, check out the CIA version of Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

Final Score: 2/5

Thank you for reading and please come back for the grand conclusion of 2016.

From the Vaults: Doom (Film)

Doom_movie_posterToday we open up the doors to The Vault to talk about video game movies. Looking back at the history books, I am not sure there is a good video game movie out there. Mortal Kombat was fun for all the wrong reasons, primarily being a camp fest with little bore and a lot of hair style product. Super Mario Bros. was bad in all the good ways, being one of the most awesomely terrible movies that you can ever watch. The fact is that there is no good video game movies AND if any of you say Resident Evil, I will strangle you! That series sucks so fucking hard and proves that nepotism is alive in well with Milla Jovovich being the star of an action series!

Video game movies are bad for an entire score of reasons. First off, video games are like books. They tell a story, a very long story, that cannot be told within the time frame of a movie. Even eliminating game play, most video game stories run upwards to 3-5 hours. Also, unlike books that try to stick to the premise of the book for the most part, video game movies typically take on an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT concept, even to the extent that the only thing that is the same is the names of characters and the name of the movie (thank you Resident Evil). There are numerous reasons, but for now let us focus on another instance where a video game movie just didn’t get what we came to see, Doom. Continue reading “From the Vaults: Doom (Film)”