Tag: Failure

Tanner Reviews The Lone Ranger

TheLoneRanger2013PosterJohnny Depp… Why do you keep showing up here? You are a genuinely talented actor. I’ve seen you in good stuff, I know this. What in God’s name made you think that taking this movie was a good idea? Please, I want to know. Did you owe someone money? Did a kid just really want to see you in red face? What is it? Seriously… Your fans, they want to help.

All joking aside, this film is fucking terrible. I would love to meet the person who actually thought that The Lone Ranger in 2013 would make money. Better yet… I would love to meet the person who thought Johnny Depp’s Tonto and His Sidekick The Lone Ranger was going to make money. Because that person is on a whole other level of stupid, that I have yet to come across in my 23 years on this planet. Yes, The Lone Ranger is a classic and yes I can actually see a movie being made about him in this time. However if you honestly think that just by throwing in Johnny Depp doing what Johnny Depp does, is going to be enough for your shitty shitty western to even come close to the ABSURD 215-250 MILLION dollar budget this thing had… My God… A monkey could do a better job than you sir. Please… Give us the monkey! Continue reading “Tanner Reviews The Lone Ranger”

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Tanner Reviews The Hangover III

And thank God it ended!
And thank God it ended!

So this weekend has not been the best one in my life. The first being that due to all kinds of problems I could not complete the video review of this and have decided to write about this and save the videos for another week… The second is that I actually had to sit through this piece of shit which was one of the longest 90 minutes of my life just falling behind my the Ungodly abomination that was my High School Graduation ceremony. This film… This film hurt. It hurt to watch, it hurt to listen to, it hurt to not walk out of the theater in complete and utter disgust! The only reason I stayed seated was because A) I have to write a review about this and B) I know the internet wants to see me in pain. This film was painful and just goes to show what a cum sucking whore the movie sequel industry is taking a great movie in The Hangover and evolving until the only two real things that are left from the original is the crazed Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) and man-child weirdo Allen (Zach Galifiankas) Continue reading “Tanner Reviews The Hangover III”