You know, I still do film reviews on this site. It has been a mixed bag of a year considering that I have been putting a lot of my attention on my academics and the new video series Crit or Miss (WHICH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GO TO YOUTUBE TO SUBSCRIBE TO AND WATCH ALL THE VIDEOS!!!!!!). But I am still here to review some movies. Tragically I haven’t had much of a shot to get to the movies so the reviews have been lacking a little. But fear not! I will be returning to the big screen soon! But for now, let’s check out one that I had to watch on my tiny ass flat screen, The Bye Bye Man. Boy… Was this one an absolute pain in my ass… Continue reading “Mini Review: The Bye Bye Man”
This one was certainly a surprise! When I saw that there was going to be a movie about the Deepwater Horizon disaster, I initially groaned. Maybe the world has made me jaded but the first thing that I thought of was that BP paid the right people to make a pro oil message to soften the fact that they annihilated the ecosystem in the Gulf of Mexico, a disaster that is still seeing its effects to this day.
But man was I wrong. Well, okay, the first moment that I saw John Malkovich show up as one of the people representing BP, I had a huge sigh of relief. Thank god they casted the best villain they possibly could for this role. At least I know that BP are the bad guys hear. But all joking aside, going into this thinking that this is going to be a pro oil movie and walking out feeling better about life knowing that I saw an amazing disaster movie about the people who worked on board the boat during the day the leak occurred. This movie certainly was a surprising gem and one that may very walk away with a few Oscar nominations for sound editing and effects. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Deepwater Horizon”
Okay… I want to stress that watching this movie was a fucking chore for me. Not so much for the movie itself. But because, due to my busy schedule, I was unable to get to the movies before it went out of theaters so in order for me to watch the damn thing, I had to watch a bootlegged Spanish version of the movie and then find a transcript of the movie on the internet. The lengths that I went to get this fucking thing are absolutely mind boggling. The fact that this movie did very little for me didn’t help either. I will stress that this may be because I had to watch a bootlegged spanish version on the internet has something to do with it. But ultimately, even if this was in pristine HD English, I feel I would have still walked away with a similar experience.
You see… I’m just not a big fan of Seth Grahame Smith, his writing, or his stories. I find both Pride & Prejudice & Zombies and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter to be little more than eye catching stories that are fun merely through novelty. While I do admit that I have not read the book, I did watch Dark Shadows and the movie version of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and what I got from both of those is that the script was utter garbage. Luckily, the producers behind this movie realized this and got Burr Steers (who I swear to god is probably a male stripper from Reno) to handle the screen writing. Ultimately, I was happy to see that P&P&Z was more than just garter belt wearing women slaughtering zombies. But what I got was still a slightly satisfying watch. Continue reading “Cheesy Romance Month: Pride & Prejudice & Zombies”
So Exploitation April comes to an end. Over the course of the month we have talked about some really sleazy parts of exploitation. We talked about the exploitation of a real tragedy with Guyana: Cult of the Damned, exploitation of sex with Schoolgirl Hitchhikers, and gore exploitation with Cannibal Ferox. But today we are going to talk about a new kind of exploitation, a strange new genre that has wormed its way into main stream culture, CGI Exploitation.
For anyone among us who grew up in the past decade, the SciFi channel original movie and movies from the production company The Asylum are fresh in all of our minds. Oh the days when I was a young teenager, sitting in my room eating Lucky Charms, and watching Python 2 or Megaladon vs. Giant Octopus. They were fun, campy, and silly complete with a cast of nobody actors and a cookie cutter plot, 8-10 people show up to location x, monster x shows up, eats the majority of them, and rinse and repeat. But of all the features of these movies, none was more prevalent than the fact that each and every single one of the gigantic fuck off monsters was made of some of the most horrendous CGI to ever grace the tiny screen. I mean, I’ve seen some bad CGI, but this… This looks like it was created straight out of some teenagers photoshop project gone horribly wrong. I watched them all the time and I absolutely loved them. I didn’t care they were the same plot with the same premise, they were goofy, and it was a way to kill time on a Sunday afternoon.
Needless to say that as the years would go on these movies would start to become a little… Self aware. They realized their flaws and realized what they were, cheesy creature feature B Movies. So they started playing into what people like about these movies and the culmination of that is The Asylum’s Sharknado. One part CGI exploitation, 2 parts insanity, and a big ole dosage of self awareness equals out to what is by all accounts the most popular film in the sub genre. Sharknado’s popularity has won it over in the eyes of people, but as we know in movies, popularity DEFINITELY doesn’t equate to value. So let’s take a look at this movie to wrap up Exploitation April. Continue reading “Exploitation April: Sharknado”
Wow… I don’t know what I was expecting… We start off 2015’s movie reviews with what might very well be my worst movie of 2015. Granted it was released to several film festivals in 2014, but I don’t care. This movie is bad and it will be on my 2015 list. If anyone has any problems with that, go make your own review site, but I digress. As I said, I do not know what I was expecting from this movie. I have made it clear in the past that I am not a fan of Karl Urban and I will state right now that I am not a fan of James Marsden. I do not like the idea of five douchebags owning a loft for the soul purpose of fucking mistresses in and just about every area of this film screams of things that I just don’t like. So what possessed me to see it even knowing that I already do not like the set up and it turns out to be bad even for the low bar I set for it? I don’t know, maybe I am going crazy. But make no mistake about it, this movie is absolute crap! Continue reading “Tanner Reviews The Loft”