Tag: Horror

Crit or Miss: Blood

On this episode of Crit or Miss, Blood has the misfortune of coming up against its worst nemesis… Overworked Cranky Tanner

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Tanner Reviews I am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House

mv5bzmm1mzfiotatngq5ms00ztgzltg4ymetzdhlzmy3yjuzngnlxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvymju3otg4nza-_v1_uy268_cr40182268_al_Jesus christ! This certainly was an experience! I have been on the roller coaster ride from hell these past couple of weeks with my horror stories. First American Horror Story: Roanoke and now this thing! This is one of those rare movies that is so hard to judge because of the fact that the things that they do well, they do REALLY WELL! I’m talking award-winning levels of good. But the things they do bad… THEY ARE FUCKING PAINFUL! While I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House has great cinematography and a great actress, it is completely buried by its terrible dialogue and atrocious “ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS” pretentious art house garbage.

The story is about Lily (Ruth Wilson). She is a young, yet rather matronly woman who has decided to take up the job of living and caring for famous author Iris Blum (Paula Prentiss) in her final days. Lily quickly finds it odd that Mrs. Blum will only call her Polly after the character in one of her books, Polly Parsons (Lucy Boynton). After forcing her way through the book, she learns that Polly was a real person who lived in the house and potentially died in the house. Which could potentially mean that the house is haunted by Polly’s spirit. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews I am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House”

Until Dawn Characters Ranked from Shittiest to Most Redeeming

So, I have to admit that I am on something of an Until Dawn kick recently. What can I say? I love the game and going through the different possibilities is a fun experience. So I thought to myself, how can I make this into something for my website? I know! How about I rank each of the characters from shittiest to the most redeeming. After all, the best part about this game is the fact that these characters are not just tropes in a horror movie… Well okay, if this was a movie, they probably would be. But since the game gives us plenty of time to flesh each of these characters out, it certainly gives each of them character and you can definitely relate to them… Even if they are kind of pieces of shit. So why not disect each character to determine which of them is the best of the bunch and which of them are the shittiest human beings? Sound fun? Well then, let’s get started. Continue reading “Until Dawn Characters Ranked from Shittiest to Most Redeeming”

Tanner Reviews Tremors 5: Bloodlines

downloadSome of you may be aware, I am a big fan of the movie series Tremors. What started out as a horror comedy monster movie featuring Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as made a nice little niche for itself with some of the most solid sequels and franchises that I have ever seen. Thanks to a small, but fervent fanbase and actors from the original movie willing to champion the cause, Tremors has become a surprising brand with five movies and a TV Series under its belt. Just last month, the franchise released its newest movie, Tremors 5: Bloodlines and since I am in the movie criticism business, it is a prime target for my analytical destruction and destruction it shall be! I am not going to sit here and bash the fifth installment of this movie, it actually isn’t that bad. This is especially true when you consider the fact that by the fifth installment of a franchise, the movies tend to suck and suck hard. But all things considered, this movie is certainly one of the weak points within the franchise. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Tremors 5: Bloodlines”

Tanner Reviews Goosebumps (2015 Film)

Goosebumps_(film)_posterIt is good to be back in the saddle again. Now that a lot of my life has freed itself up, I believe that I can finally get back on my regular review schedule. What better way to celebrate this triumph than with a review riddled with nostalgia? I never personally was the biggest Goosebumps fan. Nothing against them, but I was reading Stephen King at an early age and I found his books to be much more adult oriented and with higher stakes. Obviously though, Goosebumps was made for kids, not the argument I am trying to make. Just stating that when it came to my scares as a kid and young adult, I looked more towards Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Stephen King books than Goosebumps. But all things considered, I still read a few of the books and I did enjoy the television series when there was nothing else on for me to watch. So I decided to go to the movies and give it a go. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Goosebumps (2015 Film)”

Tanner Reviews Five Nights at Freddy’s 4

Fnaf_4_desktop_iconWell, I reviewed the other three games in this franchise. I might as well bring up the fourth and hopefully final installment of the Scott Cawthorn horror game, Five Nights at Freddy’s. I have made it no secret that I adore these games for being original, chilling, and building a good story using minimalistic storytelling devices. As a matter of fact, the first Five Nights at Freddy’s won my award for Best Video Game of 2014. So to say that I have praise for this franchise is nothing short of an understatement.

So when I heard that there was going to be a Five Nights at Freddy’s 4, a daring sequel to the supposed FNAF trilogy, I groaned. For a series that was so good up until this point, now we run the risk of over saturation of the market and the fact that the story is simply played out just about everything that it can do. The best step forward would be a prequel to expand the mythos and everyone knows what I feel about prequels (I hate them.) So when it was finally released, I have to say that it almost completely met expectations. While it did lead on the positive side, Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 feels more of a cash in than a definitive conclusion to a great series. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Five Nights at Freddy’s 4”

Top 5 Friday the 13th Movies (2/13/2015)

Yay! It is Friday the 13th! You know what that means? It is time for a completely expected and formulaic post on the Friday the 13th Franchise. Movie review sites can be predictable sometimes. But at either rate, I am a big Friday the 13th fan! I remember traveling to my local video store the now defunct Movie Stars to rent each of the movies in the series. It took me the better part of the week but I binge watched and still check them out from time to time. Considering that there are now 12 of these things (oh please get to number 13!), I think it is a good idea to rank the top five Best Friday the 13th movies to celebrate this special quasi holiday.

Please keep in mind that this is my personal opinion. I gather this information on my own critical analysis. If you disagree with the list, please leave a comment. I love to debate. Other than that, on with the list. Continue reading “Top 5 Friday the 13th Movies (2/13/2015)”