Tag: Horror

Crit or Miss: Blood

On this episode of Crit or Miss, Blood has the misfortune of coming up against its worst nemesis… Overworked Cranky Tanner

Tanner Reviews I am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House

mv5bzmm1mzfiotatngq5ms00ztgzltg4ymetzdhlzmy3yjuzngnlxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvymju3otg4nza-_v1_uy268_cr40182268_al_Jesus christ! This certainly was an experience! I have been on the roller coaster ride from hell these past couple of weeks with my horror stories. First American Horror Story: Roanoke and now this thing! This is one of those rare movies that is so hard to judge because of the fact that the things that they do well, they do REALLY WELL! I’m talking award-winning levels of good. But the things they do bad… THEY ARE FUCKING PAINFUL! While I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House has great cinematography and a great actress, it is completely buried by its terrible dialogue and atrocious “ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS” pretentious art house garbage.

The story is about Lily (Ruth Wilson). She is a young, yet rather matronly woman who has decided to take up the job of living and caring for famous author Iris Blum (Paula Prentiss) in her final days. Lily quickly finds it odd that Mrs. Blum will only call her Polly after the character in one of her books, Polly Parsons (Lucy Boynton). After forcing her way through the book, she learns that Polly was a real person who lived in the house and potentially died in the house. Which could potentially mean that the house is haunted by Polly’s spirit. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews I am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House”

Until Dawn Characters Ranked from Shittiest to Most Redeeming

So, I have to admit that I am on something of an Until Dawn kick recently. What can I say? I love the game and going through the different possibilities is a fun experience. So I thought to myself, how can I make this into something for my website? I know! How about I rank each of the characters from shittiest to the most redeeming. After all, the best part about this game is the fact that these characters are not just tropes in a horror movie… Well okay, if this was a movie, they probably would be. But since the game gives us plenty of time to flesh each of these characters out, it certainly gives each of them character and you can definitely relate to them… Even if they are kind of pieces of shit. So why not disect each character to determine which of them is the best of the bunch and which of them are the shittiest human beings? Sound fun? Well then, let’s get started. Continue reading “Until Dawn Characters Ranked from Shittiest to Most Redeeming”

Tanner Reviews Tremors 5: Bloodlines

downloadSome of you may be aware, I am a big fan of the movie series Tremors. What started out as a horror comedy monster movie featuring Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward as made a nice little niche for itself with some of the most solid sequels and franchises that I have ever seen. Thanks to a small, but fervent fanbase and actors from the original movie willing to champion the cause, Tremors has become a surprising brand with five movies and a TV Series under its belt. Just last month, the franchise released its newest movie, Tremors 5: Bloodlines and since I am in the movie criticism business, it is a prime target for my analytical destruction and destruction it shall be! I am not going to sit here and bash the fifth installment of this movie, it actually isn’t that bad. This is especially true when you consider the fact that by the fifth installment of a franchise, the movies tend to suck and suck hard. But all things considered, this movie is certainly one of the weak points within the franchise. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Tremors 5: Bloodlines”

Tanner Reviews Goosebumps (2015 Film)

Goosebumps_(film)_posterIt is good to be back in the saddle again. Now that a lot of my life has freed itself up, I believe that I can finally get back on my regular review schedule. What better way to celebrate this triumph than with a review riddled with nostalgia? I never personally was the biggest Goosebumps fan. Nothing against them, but I was reading Stephen King at an early age and I found his books to be much more adult oriented and with higher stakes. Obviously though, Goosebumps was made for kids, not the argument I am trying to make. Just stating that when it came to my scares as a kid and young adult, I looked more towards Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Stephen King books than Goosebumps. But all things considered, I still read a few of the books and I did enjoy the television series when there was nothing else on for me to watch. So I decided to go to the movies and give it a go. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Goosebumps (2015 Film)”

Tanner Reviews Five Nights at Freddy’s 4

Fnaf_4_desktop_iconWell, I reviewed the other three games in this franchise. I might as well bring up the fourth and hopefully final installment of the Scott Cawthorn horror game, Five Nights at Freddy’s. I have made it no secret that I adore these games for being original, chilling, and building a good story using minimalistic storytelling devices. As a matter of fact, the first Five Nights at Freddy’s won my award for Best Video Game of 2014. So to say that I have praise for this franchise is nothing short of an understatement.

So when I heard that there was going to be a Five Nights at Freddy’s 4, a daring sequel to the supposed FNAF trilogy, I groaned. For a series that was so good up until this point, now we run the risk of over saturation of the market and the fact that the story is simply played out just about everything that it can do. The best step forward would be a prequel to expand the mythos and everyone knows what I feel about prequels (I hate them.) So when it was finally released, I have to say that it almost completely met expectations. While it did lead on the positive side, Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 feels more of a cash in than a definitive conclusion to a great series. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Five Nights at Freddy’s 4”

Top 5 Friday the 13th Movies (2/13/2015)

Yay! It is Friday the 13th! You know what that means? It is time for a completely expected and formulaic post on the Friday the 13th Franchise. Movie review sites can be predictable sometimes. But at either rate, I am a big Friday the 13th fan! I remember traveling to my local video store the now defunct Movie Stars to rent each of the movies in the series. It took me the better part of the week but I binge watched and still check them out from time to time. Considering that there are now 12 of these things (oh please get to number 13!), I think it is a good idea to rank the top five Best Friday the 13th movies to celebrate this special quasi holiday.

Please keep in mind that this is my personal opinion. I gather this information on my own critical analysis. If you disagree with the list, please leave a comment. I love to debate. Other than that, on with the list. Continue reading “Top 5 Friday the 13th Movies (2/13/2015)”

Tanner Reviews Gone Home

Gone_HomeThe irony is not lost on me that I said that I would cut back on Video Game reviews and then spend the majority of the last couple of months doing nothing but talk about video games. Such is the way of life, but I enjoy it and will be getting into the swing of the 2015 movie scene very soon so I guess I can take that as a give and take. But for now we will look at the last of my 2014 Winter Sale Spoils with the video game by developers Fullbright, Gone Home. Certainly an interesting game to say the least and one that may fall into the more artistic side of video gaming, Gone Home is a game that brings something different to the indie gaming scene. Now is it something interesting in a good sense or a bad sense? Well that is left to be determined. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Gone Home”

Tanner Reviews Oculus

OculusI’ve been critical of horror movies in the past and their evolution over the years. It is weird, out of all the movie genres it is horror that has such rapid and noticeable swings in the likes and dislikes of the public. In the 80s we saw the rise of the slasher flick, Friday the 13th, Halloween, and the like. In the 90s there was a lot more of a push for surreal thrillers like Silence of the Lambs and Event Horizon. In the 2000s we saw the rise of gore porn with film franchises like Hostel, Saw, and Final Destination leading the charge. Now that we are halfway through the 2010’s I can see the trends of horror are changing again as we find ourselves in more of the slow building dread and haunted house horror stories which we can most likely thank Paranormal Activity, The Conjuring, and Insidious for. Now I’m not saying that these horror tropes are mutually exclusive to their given decades, I’m only saying that they do follow trends that the majority of these movies seem to follow. Hell if they followed exclusive trends such classics as The Exorcist, Poltergeist, Drag Me to Hell, and The Thing would not be in existence.

But as of right now we find ourselves in the 2010s and dreadful slow building horror with stylistic and sharp color tones seems to be all the rage. Thus we find ourselves with today’s topic Oculus. Oculus is a movie brought to us by Blumhouse Productions as well as the infamous WWE Studios, directed by newcomer Mike Flanagan, and stars one of everyone’s favorite companions to The Doctor Karen Gillian and relative newcomer Brenton Thwaites. All things considered this movie should not have been much of a blip on the 2014 movie radar but surprisingly enough gained quite a praise from fans and critics alike. So today we are going to look at it and judge whether or not this movie truly is as good as everyone says it is. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Oculus”

Tanner Reviews The Evil Within

The_Evil_Within_boxartAnd so we come to my last review of 2014 and my last video game review before I list the best and worst video games of 2014 that I reviewed. Quite personally I cannot pick a better video game to review that represents a true mix of emotions in my mind. For you see the video game that we are looking at today is the latest ‘survival horror’ video game from the mind of B-Movie gorehound Shinji Mikami, the mind behind the classic video game Resident Evil 4. For you see reader, I have come to a true conflict in my reviewing. On the one hand I love Resident Evil 4 and if you remember, gave the game a perfect 5/5 during my Resident Evil Retrospective and claimed it to be the best game of the series. Now when I look at The Evil Within, I personally have to say that this is the best remake of Resident Evil 4 that I could ever hope for… Only it isn’t a remake of Resident Evil 4. Same basic premise. You take on the form of Sergeant Gruff Manbody of the Stubble Chinned Machismo Precinct, get thrown into some random backwoods where you are chased by a man with a chainsaw and a handful of farmers whose sole goal in life is to introduce your face to their sharp and pointy objects collection. I mean, god love Shinji Mikami. The man puts out quality. But it seems with The Evil Within was simply smashed together with concepts from his old video games and the idea of, eh people will buy it. But I do get ahead of myself. Let’s leave a lot of my opinion for the review.

Continue reading “Tanner Reviews The Evil Within”