Tag: Johnny Depp

At the Movies: Murder on the Orient Express & Wish Upon

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Worst Movies of 2016

Here it is! Finally, after making it halfway through January, it is time to deal with the epitome of suck; The WORST Movies of 2016. All things considered, this year was rather good to me. I certainly saw more good movies than bad movies or at least movies that fell into the passable category. Though I do have to admit that when it comes to the bad movies, they were pretty fucking bad. This list was one of the worst trips down memory lane I have taken. From pretentious art movies to shallow sequels. From terrible YA adaptations to horrific Christian propaganda, this list is going to sum up the worst aspects of 2016 rather well.

I do have to add one more time that this list includes only movies I have personally reviewed. I am sad to say that movies like Hillary’s America and Vaxxed will not be on this list because I did not see them. Though I can safely tell you, from reading the synopsis, and seeing critic reviews that they would almost certainly have taken the 1 and 2 spot if I had seen them. With that said, we will start with one dishonorable mention and then move on to number five! Continue reading “Worst Movies of 2016”

Tanner Double Feature When the Bough Breaks & Yoga Hosers

You thought this would be the best and worst of 2016? Not just yet! I realized I had the opportunity to see two movies from 2016 that I wanted to add to the list and, as such, I have taken my opportunity. So this will be a fun little double feature that is meant clean up the rest of the movies. So here is a double feature review of Yoga Hosers and When the Bough Breaks. Continue reading “Tanner Double Feature When the Bough Breaks & Yoga Hosers”

2016 Mini Reviews: Angry Birds, Yoga Hosers, 2016 Doom, and True Memoirs of an International Assassin

It is that time of the year again! The end of 2016 is coming and I need to play catch up on my 2016 movies and video games. So this post is going to catch up on the ones that I have missed or don’t want to write a full review for. So with that said, here is a quick review of The Angry Birds Movie, Yoga Hosers, Doom (2016), and True Memoirs of an International Assassin.

the_angry_birds_movie_posterThe Angry Birds Movie

This movie is terrible. Yes, it is a kids movie and it is meant to just be good natured fun. But I know a good kids movie from a bad kids movie and this movie is terrible. It is just a cash in on the Angry Birds franchise which is growing more and more outdated by the day. The plot is just kind of… there. The characters aren’t interesting or relatable. It is nothing more than a fowl cash in.

Final Score: 1.5/5

yoga_hosers_posterYoga Hosers

I honestly do not have the hate for this movie that a lot of people apparently have. It is fine and it isn’t that offensive. This is certainly one of Kevin Smith’s worst films which says something about the director. It is an ode to the current disenfranchised youth similar to that of A Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. If you are from the millenial generation, you will thoroughly enjoy it. If you were a fan of Tusk, you will enjoy it. But beyond that, it is a decent movie that will hopefully lead into Kevin Smith’s next movie, Moose Jaws.

Final Score: 2.5/5

doom_coverDoom (2016)

You know, I’m sure that there were plenty of people who loved this game and I am also sure that they will play it for several years to come… But honestly, who the hell gives a shit about this game? I forgot it existed until just now which is how much of an impact it had on my memory. It is an okay remake that doesn’t have near enough of the impact as the original. It is just there and it will soon only be remembered by the die hard Doom fans among us.

Final Score: 2.5/5

true_memoirs_of_an_international_assassinTrue Memoirs of an International Assassin

I might be grading this movie on a curve… But honestly it isn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure, Kevin James will always be attached to the Adam Sandler School of Comedy and even if this wasn’t a Happy Madison production, it definitely had the stink of Sandler on it. But, honestly it isn’t that offensive and Kevin James is kind of charming in the movie. The movie isn’t good, but if you are an Adam Sandler-esque fan or just want to kill some time, check out the CIA version of Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

Final Score: 2/5

Thank you for reading and please come back for the grand conclusion of 2016.

Mini Review: Tusk

Tusk_(2014_film)_posterSo once again, I find myself overloaded with work, so I have decided to give another mini review of a movie I have seen recently. In this case, it is Kevin Smith’s body horror movie known as Tusk. It is a dark horror comedy starring Justin Long as a podcast host who is captured by a man who intends to turn him into a walrus. That is pretty much the extent of it. This is the first of a three part movie known as the True North Trilogy which basically feature horror movies from Canada. The other two include Yoga Hosers and Moose Jaws.

Conclusion

Overall, the movie is pretty good. It is certainly funny with a delightful blend of terror thrown in there. You feel for the characters and Johnny Depp’s appearance as Guy LaPointe is spot on. It is a fun horror movie and its pros definitely outweigh its few cons.

Final Score: 3.5/5

Thank you for reading and please like and subscribe for more from me.

Tanner Reviews The Lone Ranger

TheLoneRanger2013PosterJohnny Depp… Why do you keep showing up here? You are a genuinely talented actor. I’ve seen you in good stuff, I know this. What in God’s name made you think that taking this movie was a good idea? Please, I want to know. Did you owe someone money? Did a kid just really want to see you in red face? What is it? Seriously… Your fans, they want to help.

All joking aside, this film is fucking terrible. I would love to meet the person who actually thought that The Lone Ranger in 2013 would make money. Better yet… I would love to meet the person who thought Johnny Depp’s Tonto and His Sidekick The Lone Ranger was going to make money. Because that person is on a whole other level of stupid, that I have yet to come across in my 23 years on this planet. Yes, The Lone Ranger is a classic and yes I can actually see a movie being made about him in this time. However if you honestly think that just by throwing in Johnny Depp doing what Johnny Depp does, is going to be enough for your shitty shitty western to even come close to the ABSURD 215-250 MILLION dollar budget this thing had… My God… A monkey could do a better job than you sir. Please… Give us the monkey! Continue reading “Tanner Reviews The Lone Ranger”

Tanner Reviews Dark Shadows

Dark_Shadows_2012_PosterI have a love hate relationship with Tim Burton. The man has put out some fantastic work in the past and I would even go as far to say that he has released some of the greatest films of all time. If I ever make a list of the greatest films ever made then Edward Scissorhands, Batman, Beetlejuice, Ed Wood, Big Fish, and most important The Nightmare Before Christmas would easily be on the list. The man has an eye for cinema and a personal aesthetic that most people could only dream to have. Not to mention when I was in high school and associated myself with the ‘gothic crowd’ for a time I could not go a full day without hearing this man’s name or seeing some sort of memorabilia from this man’s films and thanks to that the man is one of the most famous directors on the scene today. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Dark Shadows”