Jesus christ! This certainly was an experience! I have been on the roller coaster ride from hell these past couple of weeks with my horror stories. First American Horror Story: Roanoke and now this thing! This is one of those rare movies that is so hard to judge because of the fact that the things that they do well, they do REALLY WELL! I’m talking award-winning levels of good. But the things they do bad… THEY ARE FUCKING PAINFUL! While I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House has great cinematography and a great actress, it is completely buried by its terrible dialogue and atrocious “ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS” pretentious art house garbage.
The story is about Lily (Ruth Wilson). She is a young, yet rather matronly woman who has decided to take up the job of living and caring for famous author Iris Blum (Paula Prentiss) in her final days. Lily quickly finds it odd that Mrs. Blum will only call her Polly after the character in one of her books, Polly Parsons (Lucy Boynton). After forcing her way through the book, she learns that Polly was a real person who lived in the house and potentially died in the house. Which could potentially mean that the house is haunted by Polly’s spirit. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews I am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House”
Damn it! Fucking damn it! This game! This fucking game! Jesus tap dancing Christ this game is fucking terrifying and for something so simplistic is executed masterfully. How in the hell did this game do it? I have no idea. You take a concept so simple and make it absolutely horrifying… I love it! I absolutely love it! I love every single second of it. Five Nights at Freddy’s needs to be taught in college classes on how to appropriately build suspense and to use jump scares as they are intended to be used. This game is an absolute modern marvel and one of the best damn games that I have played in recent years and I mean that with absolutely no hyperbole. Five Nights at Freddy’s is something that everyone should experience and you can for the low price of $4.99 on Steam! Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Five Nights at Freddy’s”
Let’s talk about one of the most popular horror franchises of all time and at the same time one of the most controversial. Scream is certainly a polarizing movie to be sure. Many claim that the Scream franchise is one of the smartest modern-day horror franchises that pays homage to the classic horror films of the 1980’s by bringing to the front the certain set of ‘rules’ that horror movies seem to follow. Others, on the other hand see it as nothing more than a poorly created spoof on par with that of the Scary Movie franchise that originally took its primary influence from Scream. Many say that instead of paying homage to the old slasher movies that they in fact make fun of the people who enjoy them for liking them and making the genre in and of itself look like little more than a poorly conceived joke. What is my opinion on the matter? Well that is the reason that this review is being written today, let’s take a look at this franchise and see why is it certain people love it and while certain people hate it. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Scream”
Tis the season to be spooky. With Halloween fast approaching, I thought I would take a look at a horror movie that seems to have a bit of following around it. I confess I never heard much of V/H/S until recently when I heard from hardcore horror fans that it is one of their favorite films and one of the best films to come out of the genre in quite some time. So needless to say with hype like that I have no choice but to take a look at the film and see what all the fuss is about. All things considered, I was thrilled to see that this movie was an anthology series that featured several shorts instead of one plot. It has been some times since I have seen a good Anthology series and the jury is still out in my opinion when it comes to The Conjuring franchise so we will see where V/H/S takes us. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews V/H/S”
It is such a shame… A movie like this turning out the way that it did. Miss opportunity is the best string of words I could use to describe The Purge a film that is not as much ‘bad’ as it was ‘disappointing.’ Even then I’m not sure what is worse to make a movie that is labeled as bad and terrible or a movie that is so disappointing that it is destined to disappear into the realm of obscurity only to be brought up when one person mentions it and the rest of the group say “Yeah I think I remember the film” with about the same amount of fire and passion as Deep Blue Something’s song. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews The Purge”
They just do not make horror films like this anymore… They really don’t. This film is what I have been missing from the horror genre for years now. Ever since the 1980’s cornered the market on the Slasher Flick genre the only thing people seem to be fascinated with his how many people die, how gruesome their deaths are, and how many sequels can we make before people burn down the production studio in a fit of rage. If more films like Duel were created today then the genre would not be a complete laughable medium that it is. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Duel”
I am a fan of mysteries. If you ever see my review of Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Orient Express you will know that every now and again I enjoy playing along with mystery novels and stories and trying to deduce who the was the killer. Which is why when I saw ads for a new television shows many years ago called Harper’s Island claiming to be a murder mystery television show I was excited. So back when it came out in April of 2009 I sat in anticipation of the new TV show… And immediately felt the dejecting sting of disappointment as the first episode came to an expected and lack luster end. Continue reading “Tanner Reviews Harper’s Island”